[amiyesiam]

[QUOTE=SuperFemme;18538]"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Eleanor Roosevelt

I feel this (above) goes along with the idea that no one can make you feel bad unless you let them. So logic would deem that no one can make me feel good unless I let them. Why is it when people do things that make us feel good, it is ok to feel good? But not when people are mean to us?


I feel that the above quote is appropriate as a starting point for a discussion I'd like to have.

In all the years I have been a part of online communities the subject of being silenced keeps coming around. I am conflicted on the subject. I want to understand more.

Perhaps so many are silenced so often and in so many ways. Anything that comes close to past experience, hits to close to home

I understand that in a forum, ones post can be deemed *silencing*. In the verb form of the word. The second verb is the act of *being silent* and I wonder if that is not something we must consent to for some reason.

This is wonderful. It would be, I would think, easier to post from the privacy of ones own home, rather than a face to face discussion. I have to say, that about 98% of the time, when I read that a post is being reported, or if someone is being called out by others, I have to reread. I don't tend to paint others with a negative brush. I tend to function from the premise that others are also engaging in a positive way and not trying to be mean. But then I do not see what goes on off the treads in pm etc. I have to wonder how much "silencing" is going on behind the scenes?


What makes a person *be silent*? Is it the fear of an unpopular opinion? Not liking conflict? Wanting to be liked? Afraid of breaking the rules?

I don't feel silenced on line. I often choose to not engage due to the negativity. When people start pulling things apart, turning it into nitpicking, thinking their point is right rather than their point.
There has been debate other places about saying : I don;t see color" I completely understood the logic. But I was floored, struck dumb actually, on Sat when my new African Amercian co worker stated: I do not see color.
I was SHOCKED. We had a good discussion. The point here is, when we speak, we may speak for our selves, even most of a group. But we are not speaking for everyone. I think when you insist you are right, that can be silencing to others.

How can we negotiate better with ourselves and each other as a community?


You asked LOL
1) understand that not everyone has the same ability to put their thoughts into words. (and this has 0 to do with intelligence) So be gentle and understanding. Ask questions.

2) realize that others have different views and that not everyone will agree with you.

3) Understand that each human has hundreds and hundreds of character traits. It is not possible to find someone who will agree with you on everything.

4) the more we divide ourselves, the more we hurt each other.

5) spend more time focused on what we have in common rather than what makes us different.

6) start realizing most people are good decent folks doing the best they can in life.

7) realize some folks need a cause, a battle, a challenge, a debate

8) make an effort to take people seriously, believe people when they say they are not trying to be negative
(cause ya know, no matter what the words say, when we read we add the tone, snark etc.)

9) when folks say: I am not trying to be "whatever" and people come back and say yes you are, it can really be fustrating, which can lead to people snapping.






I have a character flaw. When I am told to be silent I talk longer and louder. So not a good girl.

funny I wish more people would be silent, but they rarely tell me to be silent.

Anyone willing to discuss? Dissenting opinions welcomes.