I totally hear what you are saying, I am also working to practice kindness

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I will say that if someone does not like something about me, I would WAY rather them say it behind my back. I could care less if someone hates my dress.
I agree that it would be best if we did focus on the good in people and trying to see why they tick as they do. I think that sometimes we can be overly confrontational just so we can feel like we are speaking our truth. I think we need to look at what is to be gained by hurting the person, and I don't think us feeling better about ourselves is always a good reason.
I further think (and this is not something I have ever seen you ((Arwen)) do, just jumping off of the subject) that we need to be careful about making fun of people we do not agree with. Just becasue we might do it to their face and feel authentic in doing so is not a good reason.
Does that make sense?