What an interesting topic.
I have said for many years that "people are patterns of behavior". If you can see the patterns, you see the person. As such you can identify the steadfast from the wishy washy, the intuned from the oblivious, the anchors from the tide, the rainy day friends from the sunshine only folks etc.
As I have gotten older, this has served me well in choosing people I invite into my life and those I keep at arms length. As such, people tend to disappoint me less, which in turn means I have less need to forgive them as I didnt expect them to do such and such anyway.
Forgiveness tho, for me, is reserved for those rare occasions where the tried and true in my life disappoint me. Some transgressions are easily forgiven and forgotten. Some are not.
For me, forgiveness means I see myself and others as imperfect beings who will make mistakes. There are intentional mistakes and unintentional mistakes. An unintentional mistake will be forgiven meaning I accept an honest apology which recognizes a mistake AND we can move on with a greater understanding and respect for one another. These types of events tend to bring people closer.
Sometimes people dont understand why or how they hurt us or disappointed us. Their willingness to engage in a discussion about something and be open to listening is a huge plus for helping to deepen friendships and relationships.
For me, forgiveness, is a feeling of compassion for myself or another, an understanding which defies words. It is a gut feeling emanating from your soul that touches anothers spirit.
Intentional mistakes are not forgiven or forgotten meaning there will be definate changes in our interactions. Examples of intentional mistakes:
1. cheating on me, a friend of mine, or a member of my family.
2. lying in any way, shape or form. There are no small lies. Lying undermines trust which is the foundation of any type of relationship.
3. deceit in any way, shape or form that may not even involve me personally
4. taking advantage of those unable to protect themselves
These are intentional types of behavior for which there is no acceptable explanation. They are types of behavior which are designed to inflict pain, intentionally, on others. This is not acceptable behavior nor is it forgiveable behavior regardless of the reasons for it. Even if it is not done to me, it colors my perception of the person, and makes me wary of them and their motivations.
Intentional behavior will result in a huge change in our interactions simply because this type of behavior brings strife into my life. Life comes with enough strife without my "pals" bringing me even more.
I always thought I would become more mellow as I aged. I havent found that to be the case. I see myself as more judgemental than I was when I was younger or am I just more discerning? I am less open to new things and ideas or are they just the same things and ideas with a different spin on them? I am more guarded with my time and energy...well that just because there isnt much to spare. Maybe I'm just not old enough yet?
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