[Nat]

I associate the word Dixie with the glorification of the pre-Civil War South.

But then maybe that association comes from the song, "Dixie," which premiered at minstrel shows in the North being sung by people in blackface, and that the song was then taken up by the confederacy.

I know other people use the term "Dixie" to mean "the South," it's a term that sets me on edge.

Texas may or may not be considered part of "Dixie" but I do love my state. I cannot tell you the pleasure I derive from my wanderings out in the country or from the familiar friendliness I experience here or from hearing different versions of the Texan drawl. This is the land I was born into and it feels as much a part of me as my veins do. I have always been a Texan, and if I moved away from here and never came back, I would always consider myself a Texan. The way I feel about my state helps me understand why people do fight and are willing to lay down their lives for the land they were born on. Texas is my home and I love it.

Am I proud to be a Southerner? Am I proud to be a Texan? I know I'm not proud of the term Dixie or the glorification of the olden days of the South - but I know my own interpretation of the word "Dixie" must not be everybody's.

I take pride in many of the customs and colloquialisms I've inherited from my family. I might be a bit proud of our magnificent thunderstorms. I think of the Texan character as being independent and eccentric and tough - and whether or not that's true - I do tend to enjoy the idea of it. Those are parts of myself I am proud of.

To be from the South, of the South, is a complex thing. We have a violent history. We have a lot of love too. We have sweltering summers, but there is so much lush beauty here too. The South is full of tragedy and dysfunction and unfairness and mystery and magic and determination and romance.

When I lived in California, I got all I wanted of anti-Southern bigotry. Because my accent isn't especially obvious, people would forget I was from Texas. I got to listen to lots of conversation about how dumb we are, how inbred, how ignorant, fundamentalist, how ludicrous we are. I got to listen to California critiques of what we eat, what we wear, how we act, how we talk. I got to hear lots of imitations of Southern speech and lots of laughter over the sound of Southern accents I couldn't even discern. It hurts and it's angering to hear stuff like that.

When I was exposed to that, it really made me understand a certain pride I do have for the South and for Texas. I cannot tell you the comfort it brings me to hear a Southern accent. I want to be able to say, "Hey, the South rocks or Texas rocks because of X,Y,Z and you really don't know what you're talking about. You are talking about me when you say things like that and it hurts."

It's also painful and a bit infuriating at times when I see Southerners playing into those stereotypes. I guess at those times I feel shame and frustration with the South. I want the South to represent itself better and stop flying confederate flags and being intolerant - because that hurts and because I am part of that Southern fabric.

James Baldwin wrote, "American history is longer, larger, more various, more beautiful, and more terrible than anything anyone has ever said about it."

When I think about the South, this line comes through my head. To me, the South is "more various, more beautiful and more terrible than anything anyone has ever said about it."

Some of the most beautiful acts of courage have happened in the South - but then they were born out of the need to overcome Southern oppression. Some beautiful music comes from down here too, and I think some of that also was born out of a need to overcome Southern oppression.

I have feelings of both shame and pride when it comes to the South, but I really try not to fan the flames of either. I would rather put my energy into hope - hope that the South can rise to play a greater role, that the best parts of the South will not be outstripped by the very worst parts, that bigotry will not continue to outstrip Southern hospitality, that education can outstrip fundamentalism. I have a lot of hope for Southern healing. And I have a lot of love.

I thought this was going to be a quick, neat and tidy entry, but I guess it couldn't be that. I feel like a tree whose roots are deep, deep in Southern soil. To separate myself from the South is to deny half of myself - and I have a full range of feelings on the subject. When I insult the South, I insult myself too. My grievances hurt me to speak.