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Diva · 12-13-2009, 10:10 AM

Good morning, boys and girls.....

It's time for a holiday story from your Auntie Diva!!

Simmah down, now......

Yes....yesterday was a wonderful day for your Auntie Diva, boys and girls! First, the excitement began when your Auntie Diva visited the Amazon.com and ordered her own Christmas present ~ The Bread Bible by Rose Beranbaum. Let us pray, boys and girls, let us pray. Because, as we all know, good bread can be a religious experience.

Auntie Diva kills herself with her sharp~edged humor. Party on, Garth.

When the excitement from that even died down, I received a message from your cousin PupSchmoopieSchmoop (she is distantly related, as you may recall, to SnoopDoggieDog) and your cousin OilCan......did I want to go for a drive to take in the Christmas lights in The Hill Country?

Now, at first, boys and girls, your Auntie Diva finds herself suspicious of ANYone asking her to 'go for a drive in the country'.......I have SEEN The Godfather! But this was your cousin Schmoop, after all. She was just being respectful of the elderly ~ like I used to be of your Great Aunt Lois ~ knowing she doesn't get out much and likes to go for a Sunday afternoon drive on a foggy Saturday night.

So, I was excited to go and wore my best floral and bedazzled Christmas sweater and Sunday pill~box hat (yes, boys and girls, the one with the little netting with the rhinestones) and off we went.....into the foggy night!

Of course, I am in the backseat, which gave me license to navigate for your cousin OilCan (who IS from your California/Mississippi area and cannot possibly know his way around our Texas Hill Country) and your cousin Schmoop (we're not sure WHERE she comes from, but she DOES live in your Cedar Park....I always need an extra shot of oxygen before your Auntie Diva travels way [the hell] up there!).

We drive through the Dripping Springs. We did not stop for their oh~so~yummy Vodka, much to your Auntie Diva's dismay. What kind of trip WAS this!??!?!?!

Then we got to The Johnson City, hometown to our beloved President Johnson, but not really, because his ranch is further up the road apiece. Those townspeople just wanted a piece of the action. Jus' sayin'.....

The fog was thick, boys and girls, and your cousin Schmoop was using her cell phone to get directions.....we thought we had gone too far, so we turned around and backtracked, only to find out that we had not gone far enough. Cousin OilCan was unCANny in his knowledge of the turning~around places. Auntie Diva was impressed, even though many times, the turning~around place shook your Auntie Diva's teeth right out of her head. Pillbox remained intact, however. Yea, little Pillbox hat, yea!

So we found our first destination....a country drive~through Christmas lights extravaganza!!!!!!

There was a slight problem, boys and girls in that the path which these good folks created was many times only wide enough for one car to pass. But that's ok....we tuned our radio to 1498.7 AM and enjoyed Bobby Darin singing All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth, accompanied by the Trans~Static Universal Orchestra.

The tension mounted, boys and girls, as we approached the LIVE NATIVITY SCENE. Before we got too close, Gabriel was giving instructions to Joseph and the shepherd standing on a box (it was a child, but they put him on a box to make him appear taller....how many 7'9" shepherds with the face of a child do YOU know, boys and girls? That's what I thought!).....and, as cousin OilCan's automotive vehicle reached a certain place, Gabriel cued them and they magically FROZE in Christmas card goodness.......I blame cousin Schmoop for not bringing tissues. It was a tender moment. Yet, I watched the angel Gabriel's eyes......they followed our car like a scary Harry Potter painting......

I cannot tell you, boys and girls just how exciting it was to drive through the display.....the mobile home covered in hundreds of pale blue lights with the animated mailbox was particularly touching! But as we neared the end of the drive, what MOOved us most of all was the lit~up Santa on the stagecoach.....the cedar fence behind him.....and seeing the cows on the other side.......mocking us. Only in Texas,boys and girls.....only in Texas!

The saga will continue......oh no.....You KNOW there's more!

Signed,
Your Auntie Diva, who channelled great Aunt Lois with her pillbox hat

12-13-2009, 10:10 AM	#43
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,179 Times in 5,238 Posts Rep Power: 0	Good morning, boys and girls..... It's time for a holiday story from your Auntie Diva!! Simmah down, now...... Yes....yesterday was a wonderful day for your Auntie Diva, boys and girls! First, the excitement began when your Auntie Diva visited the Amazon.com and ordered her own Christmas present ~ The Bread Bible by Rose Beranbaum. Let us pray, boys and girls, let us pray. Because, as we all know, good bread can be a religious experience. Auntie Diva kills herself with her sharp~edged humor. Party on, Garth. When the excitement from that even died down, I received a message from your cousin PupSchmoopieSchmoop (she is distantly related, as you may recall, to SnoopDoggieDog) and your cousin OilCan......did I want to go for a drive to take in the Christmas lights in The Hill Country? Now, at first, boys and girls, your Auntie Diva finds herself suspicious of ANYone asking her to 'go for a drive in the country'.......I have SEEN The Godfather! But this was your cousin Schmoop, after all. She was just being respectful of the elderly ~ like I used to be of your Great Aunt Lois ~ knowing she doesn't get out much and likes to go for a Sunday afternoon drive on a foggy Saturday night. So, I was excited to go and wore my best floral and bedazzled Christmas sweater and Sunday pill~box hat (yes, boys and girls, the one with the little netting with the rhinestones) and off we went.....into the foggy night! Of course, I am in the backseat, which gave me license to navigate for your cousin OilCan (who IS from your California/Mississippi area and cannot possibly know his way around our Texas Hill Country) and your cousin Schmoop (we're not sure WHERE she comes from, but she DOES live in your Cedar Park....I always need an extra shot of oxygen before your Auntie Diva travels way [the hell] up there!). We drive through the Dripping Springs. We did not stop for their oh~so~yummy Vodka, much to your Auntie Diva's dismay. What kind of trip WAS this!??!?!?! Then we got to The Johnson City, hometown to our beloved President Johnson, but not really, because his ranch is further up the road apiece. Those townspeople just wanted a piece of the action. Jus' sayin'..... The fog was thick, boys and girls, and your cousin Schmoop was using her cell phone to get directions.....we thought we had gone too far, so we turned around and backtracked, only to find out that we had not gone far enough. Cousin OilCan was unCANny in his knowledge of the turning~around places. Auntie Diva was impressed, even though many times, the turning~around place shook your Auntie Diva's teeth right out of her head. Pillbox remained intact, however. Yea, little Pillbox hat, yea! So we found our first destination....a country drive~through Christmas lights extravaganza!!!!!! There was a slight problem, boys and girls in that the path which these good folks created was many times only wide enough for one car to pass. But that's ok....we tuned our radio to 1498.7 AM and enjoyed Bobby Darin singing All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth, accompanied by the Trans~Static Universal Orchestra. The tension mounted, boys and girls, as we approached the LIVE NATIVITY SCENE. Before we got too close, Gabriel was giving instructions to Joseph and the shepherd standing on a box (it was a child, but they put him on a box to make him appear taller....how many 7'9" shepherds with the face of a child do YOU know, boys and girls? That's what I thought!).....and, as cousin OilCan's automotive vehicle reached a certain place, Gabriel cued them and they magically FROZE in Christmas card goodness.......I blame cousin Schmoop for not bringing tissues. It was a tender moment. Yet, I watched the angel Gabriel's eyes......they followed our car like a scary Harry Potter painting...... I cannot tell you, boys and girls just how exciting it was to drive through the display.....the mobile home covered in hundreds of pale blue lights with the animated mailbox was particularly touching! But as we neared the end of the drive, what MOOved us most of all was the lit~up Santa on the stagecoach.....the cedar fence behind him.....and seeing the cows on the other side.......mocking us. Only in Texas,boys and girls.....only in Texas! The saga will continue......oh no.....You KNOW there's more! Signed, Your Auntie Diva, who channelled great Aunt Lois with her pillbox hat