[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Arwen

For me, they don't. When someone id's as a "high" femme, I see, in my mind's eye, someone who likes to put on makeup and do the whole heels&hose drag.

I've never ever thought of it as a ranking or rating at all. I just see it as a qualifier of how much fussin' someone likes to do over their personal appearance.

But honestly, the only time I feel like there is a competition, for me, is how "girly" one can be. And it's a problem in my world to be seen as "not" girly enough.

That's more of a rating/ranking in my world than make-up and clothing (which is my sole identifier for high vs low femme.)

It's the simpering and giggling that get me because I don't personally get it. And, grin, I'm gonna say it outloud. It's the whole Daddy/girl thing played out in public. DO NOT GET IT AT ALL.

I get it as a personal, behind bedroom doors thing. I do not get it as a public play thing. And that's my hang up and it's my issue to deal with. I do not think others should modify their behaviour.

But that is what can also make me feel "not enough" because I am simply not willing to call someone "Daddy" and giggle and coo.

I rambled again. Blush, for what it's worth, you are one of the ones who can make me worry about my own femmeness. And it's not makeup or clothes or any of that. It is simply your own sweet self and your energy. I sometimes feel like a linebacker around women who are petite. Grin. So there you have it.

On my list of femmes who scare me....Blush and Puplove too. OH and femmes like Pinkielee who has the most amazing fashion sense. Shari goes in that category too as well as Adele.

So that's MY issue. It's my problem that I compare myself to others and sometimes find myself wanting.

That's not a butch issue. No butch is standing in the background saying, "Why can't you be more like MedusaIsadoraGemmeAnyoneOtherThanYou." That's my own low self-esteem sneaking up on me.

And I am on a hunt to destroy that voice. But this thread is really helping me identify what I trigger it with. ooh Badger.

So, again, high vs low? Not so much. Arwen vs other femmes? Hideous ranking system where I used to always lose. I'm learning though. I am learning.

You mentioned something later on that I've quoted below also. You said you'd like to look at yourself through Adele's mirror. If we would all trade mirrors once in a while, we'd see more clearly I think.

You and I share a similar, if not the same, personal definition of high femme. I only heard the term 'low' femme at the other place but I've never (to my recollection) heard anyone apply it to themselves. There have been tomboy femmes and casual femmes but I haven't knowingly run into any low femmes.

I don't see high versus low as a ranking system either, but I DO see a hierarchy, if that makes sense, since the two usually walk through the door hand in hand. I don't see high as being better than low but I do see it as being more attractive to certain people and in certain situations.

I also have any issue with feeling like I'm 'not enough'. This applies to many areas, not just being a femme in general. When others see me, they may think petite, which I am. At least I push the petite versus short point because, in my mind, when someone says short, I think stubby. Immediately. *shrug* But I digress...it's like I'm a chimera or something. I'm small on top and a cheerleading linebacker on the bottom.

It's difficult to feel feminine, much less femme, when you see yourself as something that is traditionally very masculine and has terms like "husky" to describe it.

Is this where I go into the whole "you ate your twin while I was pregnant with you" thing?

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I scare the Arwen? I am pretty sure my perception is not skewed about you Arwen. You are the epitome of Strong/Hot/Femme to me. You don't take shit, you speak your mind and you do it all while looking gorgeous. Jeans and a t-shirt look as alluring on you as a ball gown. You shine from the inside out.

Remember Vegas Arwen? You danced the entire night at the Ball and I sat in a chair with nobody willing to approach me, talk to me, or ask me to dance. You came over twitterpated and told me you felt like the Bell of the Ball. It was transformative for you. I told you that i felt i-n-v-i-s-i-b-l-e. You were shocked.

I was not. I am used to it. I don't make effort to "perform" Femme. I really am just me all of the time. My world view doesn't measure girliness in others, but rather cerebral stimulation, kindness, empathy, and heart. All of which you carry very well. I'm not high. I'm not low. I don't see others as high or low in any kind of rating system or higherarchy (thanks ap).

I may or may not be confuzzled on how I could possibly scare you. Pet my head please.

Posts like this just make me fall a little bit more in love with you, Adele.

Originally Posted by Arwen

I so want to borrow your mirror to look at myself in. I do remember dancing that night away and feeling like a Belle of the Ball. It was transformative to me (And that cute Katanaboi helped, lol).

When you and I went shopping...I felt like this ignoramus. I had no clue what Sephora was. I was so sure you would see through me and realize I was just a pretend femme.

P.S. ~ I knew what Sephora was but I'd never been in one until two months ago. It's nice and sparkly, but it certainly does not make the femme.

Originally Posted by blush

I hear you on the Donna Reed. I think what I meant was is "high" femme an aspiration we all secretly have? Do we perceive it to be the pinnacle of femme?

On the flip side of the high femme, I've also heard a lot of shit from femmes and trans/butches about high femmes. That they are stupid, "too much work," ALWAYS submissive, ALWAYS stone, and on and on...

The very idea of being a high femme makes me cringe and my feet hurt. I can wear the heels, and like to, for special events. If I wore them all the time, it wouldn't be special for me. It'd be more like a slow torture to my tootsies. I own dresses. I own a TON of dresses. Do I wear them? Oh, every 5 years or so, when I make a butch femme get together and only if they are long. Would I like to look good in said dresses and heels? Sure. Would I wear them more if I thought I looked better than I do now in them? Sure. Would it make me a high femme? Nah.

It's not the pinnacle to me, although I have GOT to appreciate a woman who can do all that. I'm in awe of it, really. I'm simply too lazy to do that.

I've noticed that high femmes do tend to be Stone more often. I can see the correlation, but I'm sure there are some who do not identify as Stone. I know of some high femmes that are NOT submissive, though. That, and the whole stupid thing, are a load of hot, steaming .