[Gemme]

Originally Posted by blush

I wonder sometimes why the horrible, ugly things stay with us the longest? Why do they seem the most true? Why do we blow off the compliments that waaaay outnumber the asshat shit? Why do we feel that the compliments are insincere, but the asshat shit are an accurate assessment of ourselves?

I think negative shit has super glue on it or something. Seriously. Maybe in this day and age when ALL the kids on the team get a ribbon or trophy, so no one is superior....in order to combat negative feelings....maybe it's helping to allow the negative to stick around longer. No one's special.

In reference to Medusa's "Flippant" thread, the term special has been used by, for and around me all my life, so maybe my view with it is all screwed up.

*shrug*

I don't know. I had a train. It had thoughts, but I'll be damned if I know where it went.

Originally Posted by Medusa

And here's an even better question:

I dont know if this is true for anyone else but I remember in blinding detail the negative comments that other women have made to me. Very rarely do comments from Butches, Transmen, or Men sting me in the same way. (well, except there WAS that one time that an ex of mine circulated a rumor that I was actually a man )

Perhaps its because of the desired validation. Perhaps its because of my family history with other women. Perhaps its an acceptance thing. I think that for me, a tiny part of it feels like a violation. Cant put my finger on it just yet.

Males are nothing to me, so their comments may sting temporarily, but they won't stick. Women....my peers....now those are some nasty wounds waiting to happen. People smell fear...insecurity...and latch onto it and ride it into the ground. Some people want to allay others' pain and insecurity and others want to exploit it to try to make themselves appear and/or feel better.

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I have a problem with compliments. If somebody tells me I am pretty, I do NOT believe them and am immediately suspect. I was a total outcast in school and started high school at the age of 12. When I finally gained some self confidence it was because I had succeeded immensely in my professional life. Then one day I went to gay pride and got run down. My self worth plummeted because I emerged from a coma a completely different person. I have never felt part of a group or a crowd, yet everyone assumes I am and that I float through life with no worries. Why is is SO much easier for me to take a stinging comment than a compliment?

It has taken Ryan months to get me to acknowledge that he may indeed think I am pretty, but I always have to follow it up with "but you are biased", which is not fair to him. I'm invalidating his feelings to feed my own insecurities. It's not fair or nice, but he's working with me to help me see myself as he does. Honestly, I'm scared to "be" pretty or smart or talented. Like someone could come along and take it from me if I don't deny or hide it.

Originally Posted by Arwen

I think I have this. Except for me, EVERYONE else at the party is smarter and funnier and prettier than me. I'm everyone's stepsister.

Or was. One of the things I'm working on. Goofy can tell y'all all stories about me but one in particular is the time he was too ill to go to a party at Pup's and I broke down into hysterical tears because I was terrified to go by myself.

Terrified. Nearly threw up on the way there.

But I went. And it was fine. But y'all will never know the horrific anxiety attack I had.

What makes it funny is that it wasn't even my first time there. I'd been to Pup's several times. But never without my security blanket. Not sure Goof enjoyed being told he was a security blanket, but that's how I rolled.

Really working on not doing that anymore. Proudly I can say I've been to several functions where I didn't go with anyone and I survived. I still get panicky. I still try to figure out reasons not to go, but I am determined to make myself go.


I am SO PROUD of you for this, Arwen!

I keep thinking about starting a thread called Mirrors. In it, you could only look in the mirror for someone else and post what you saw about them that was positive.

Wow. I just wrote five sentences of negativity and deleted each one. Apparently, my joy meter is low today.

ANYWHO! It would be a positive thread and you couldn't deny what was said about you. Only say thanks and accept it.

We all need lessons in learning how to believe in the hype others tell us about ourselves.


DO IT! I have to log off soon, but if I come back tomorrow and don't find one set up exactly as you have described here, I'm starting it.

Do it. Please.


HUGS. It's acceptance for me. It's validation as well, but more acceptance. I want to be a part of the bonding but I can't stand the backstabbing. I saw it so much in high school and then when I was in a sorority (fraternity actually but it was all women.) I have done so much of it myself. I can't accept that in my life any more.

I'm fortunate here in Austin. That sort of thing seems to be very limited. We have good people here.


Austin is fortunate to have YOU.

I just want to give you a compliment now because this made me CRY to read. So I'll make it a stinging one.

You are a bobble-headed woman who weebles when you are tired and you wear a wooden spoon around your neck and I love you. How's that?

Who wouldn't believe that? That made me tear up a bit.