Today, I am reminding myself to:
Keep the main thing the main thing!
Met with my sponsor at our local mall Food Court this past Friday night. Man, she has recently become "the Assignment Lady." I have a butt-load of stuff to do ... and work my regular daytime job too. What is up with that? Not only did I get several assignments but I had to email her Saturday morning with a list of all she told me to do. I was thinking she wanted to make sure I did not forget anything she suggested I do. When I talked to her this morning, she did say the email request was to deter me away from my built-in forgetter ... so I was right.
Sometimes I just want my life back, you know, like doing normal stuff instead of recovery stuff all the time ... but I already know when I am not extremely active in my program on a regular basis ... the old me will slip back in. And today, that is unacceptable.
In spite of what I have said here about wanting a "normal life," (whatever
that is) I am sincerely thankful to be sober. Without that, the hole in my soul appears ... then gets bigger and bigger ... my ideas get grander and grander ... then I eventually hit the wall. I am told I must seek humility or my ego, selfishness and self-centeredness (and other things) will either make me and all those poor souls around me miserable ... or kill me.
Before I got into recovery, I did not have a choice. My intellect and my willpower are of
absolutely no use to me over my addictions. For me, it is impossible for me to think and plan myself into living a sober life if I do not participate in my own recovery. An "alone Brock" will get Brock high/drunk. They told me in the beginning that is why the first word in the first step is "WE."
My recovery path has taught me I have choices ... as long I follow a few simple suggestions. I have been given a spiritual toobox. This toolbox contains
everything necessary to keep me sober. All that is required of me is for me to pick up these tools, use them and be willing to listen, follow the suggestions of the sponsor lady and friends in the program who got there ahead of me. It works. This has been proven to me over and over.
Recovery is not for the overly-sensitive, faint-hearted, sissies and whiners. My sponsor told me Friday night that I am getting cocky. Can you believe she said that about me???
She said it to my face, even. AT THE MALL FOODCOURT!
damn ....
think I will remain teachable ....I do not have to like everything all of the time.
Here are some flowers for all you sober people who are reading this. I know you have understood
ever single thing I have rambled about here in this post.
These flowers are also for the ones we are saving a chair for ...
I choose the list my sponsor gave me Friday night ...
I choose to continue to be directable.
Brock