[Dragonfly]

I have been very thoughtful these days on this area of definitions, or explanations of gender ID's... as well as sexual orientation ID's being unrelated to any of said gender ID's. I fondly remember the day my eyes opened and I realized what the word Butch had always been used FOR ME a certain WRONG way by a certain type of people. Being Labeled Butch by someone outside yourself, as a youngster in school, and those outsiders being other youths in a hetero culture with hetero ID's.... labeled Butch by them for the way I dressed and acted... well they screwed my head all up even if I say I agree and I am Butch after all.

The group I associated with were 95% boys in school and the things I enjoyed were not commonly chosen by the girls and rarely seen co ed other than myself (being born female and all). I was not always treated like the girls were but still occasionally objectified and dominated socially as inferior... tho accepted and first pick for the "team" to play whatever sport we were playing at recess.

I JUST accepted I am Butch cause thats what they called me. I accepted that was WHAT "BUTCH" defined, or meant. Butch dressed.

I dont like dresses and I dont always like being a "girl" when being one limited me to only be allowed to or excluded from things as gender roles defined us all in our childhood...

I was freshly in my 30's before I even questioned this Label. ( I say label because I did not choose this description but was given it) I was "that butch looking chick" that dressed in "guys clothes" and in high school I was pretty much the only "dyke" they labeled... tho I was "bi"- as in who I dated while I was discovering myself.

Whoever asks me now how I ID I tend to ask them "what do you think?" after I tell them my life story, chocked full of TMI about my sexuality and preferences in the bedroom as well as my inner connection to each of the multiple gender varieties I resemble in one way or another. It spins their heads trying to categorize me and I end up with an "Andro?" response more often than any. And yes that was Daddy Rhon himself's take on me back when helping me rethink that one through, you know the "am I butch or femme after all" exploring some of us did. If it is so hard to say butch is this but not that... how else can we ID but to just GO WITH what deep down you personally feel is the real You to ID yourself.

Without sites like this one how would I even have begun that journey I am halfway through... I just realize how far I've came in my ways of understanding and defining the diff ID's and I am a little embarrassed at how uneducated I was when I began. Thankfully I am still aware I got a long road still left to journey and am thankful to have peeps like you all to patiently walk through it with me and not lose any respect for me being who I am.