[Arwen]

I don't hate any more. I grieve. I despair. I avoid. But I don't hate. That energy ties me into those I don't love any more. It is a deeper, stronger hook than that of love in some ways.

It makes me speak of them, dream of them even when they are no longer in my life by my choice. It makes me continue to feed them some piece of me that they have no right to. Even an angry, ugly emotion like hate feeds them. And I am done giving certain people any of me--even the ugly bits.

And believe you me, I've hated. I've hated long and hard and strong. Where did it get me?

Nowhere other than stressed out to the point of diarrhea and hair loss. Oh yes. I've hated hard.

I know it's fashionable these days to call yourself a hater. I choose not to do that. I choose not to buy into that negative energy any more. I don't like the end results. I prefer to seek joy. Sometimes that means avoiding some people, but hey! There's enough world out there for all of us, right?

Do I still love my exes? Some of them, yes. Very much so. Others? Nope, not at all. I've withdrawn their access to cash their emotional checks at my bank of self. Account closed.

It's hard to take this road. Others mock. Others think I'm a Pollyanna. And that's okay because that's their choice. It's not in my hula hoop to control what they say or think about me.

As to someone dating my ex? I'm pretty sure I didn't leave a leash on anyone I dated. I don't own my exes. I don't have the right to tell them who to date just as they don't have the right to tell me who to date.

Would it be painful to see my ex with a friend? Probably, but not in the way some might think. I have exes that I wouldn't want my friends to date because I know how much hurt could be brought into their lives. I don't want that for my friends. I love my friends but still would not "warn" them off. They are grown-assed women who can make that decision for themselves.

But to have a throwdown temper tantrum because someone I know is now dating someone I used to date? Nah...I'll leave those histrionics to others.

I do appreciate that Gemme talked to me about her attraction to OrganicButch only because I got to confess that I'd been telling him to check her out. Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match!

That's my long two cents. Might even be a nickel.