[Bit]

Grrr! I hate it when the dog lies to me. He didn't have to go out, he was just bored. It's way too cold out to alleviate boredom that way! Sheesh, we're at the point in the weather where I don't think my hands will be all the way warm again until July... grumble, grumble, eh? *sheepish smile*

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Foxy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} *uploads gingerbread*

What a lovely long post! Lots to think about.

For me, ritual (whether my own or someone else's that I'm attending) is about connecting to the Source. I usually say Goddess, but it doesn't matter to me what the name is; I crave that connection, and it's the only thing which justifies for me the time and trouble in doing ritual. Not that other people don't have pefectly good reasons for doing ritual, mind you, just that I get my other spiritual needs met in other ways; so for me it's all about connecting with Spirit/Goddess/WhateverTheHeckYouAre. *cheeky grin*

That means if someone insists on defining things, insists on setting rules, insists on set formulas, I'm going to have trouble getting through it all to make the connection. If the ritual is all about bringing Spirit in, whatever way Spirit chooses to come, then I'm good to go... but if anyone gets in the way of that I get pretty impatient and I sure won't waste my time going back again. Get to the point, says my impatience; if you cannot call down the God or Goddess at least do some serious energy sending! Whatever others may need to get from a ritual, I need to feel like I haven't wasted my energy or my time, and only feeling powerfully connected allows me to feel that way.

I suppose it might be very different for me if I weren't disabled. I've learned over the decades that all my activities have to have the kind of pay-off that makes me feel like I haven't wasted my energy or time... because yanno, I'm going to be crippled up and/or exhausted for days afterward. It has to be worth it.

You mentioned the pot luck afterward; we have the potlucks and skip the rituals, lol... there's a small group of us who get together every couple of weeks to have a potluck and discuss everything under the sun, from what kind of Pagans we are to how to get off the energy grid, and always--our perennial favorite topic--gardening.

You said, "One of the great (and not so great) parts of being raised in a culture that is not tribal with assigned roles and cosmology is that I can incorporate who or what speaks to me. ....... I used to feel like "less then" because I did not have a tribe or an elder to teach me. That took quite some time to let go of, and accept that spirit is the best teacher."

I think if I had been raised in a tribal culture and the shamanism worked, I would be perfectly happy with it. I was happy with Catholicism as long as I thought it worked. But I was thrust willy-nilly into a very nearly trackless wilderness and told to find my own way, and now I cannot bring myself to be happy with any kind of "received" spirituality. I've had the experience of living it. I cannot settle for less now. BUT like you, for years and years I thought I also was "less than" for not having a human teacher. Oh how I chafed at the idea that I had to teach myself! But in the end, the entire Universe became my teacher.

I've learned much from Gryph, too, just as I did from the one Teacher who was finally sent my way several years ago... but I learned it through observation. I saw what they did and I copied it. Neither of them ever said, "here is your lesson, here is your homework." They just did what they did--healing people, protecting them, sending energy, working with Others, shapeshifting--and I paid attention to how they did it; they told me what they believed, shared their philosophies, and I researched to learn more.

These days, if someone sets themselves up as my teacher, I get... well *sheepish smile* I get impatient. I want to see them in action before I accept them as any kind of authority in my life, yanno? And even if I can learn from them, I want it to be like it has been. Don't TELL me what to do... just do what you do, and let me watch.... can you tell I just ran into that? Made the mistake of looking for a sympathetic "that's a rough way to go" or the equivalent, and got "do this, and this, and this, and..."

I suppose I would be more patient if I had been allowed to say, "I already know these things; this and that one worked, the others didn't." But I wasn't listened to, and for me that is the death knell of any student/teacher relationship. If people cannot listen long enough to figure out that a student is not a neophyte, then they're not the teacher for me....

What a sweet thing to say, that I'm worth the breath of spirit!

Morning practice.... I don't have a specific one. I'm practicing all day long--the luxury of not having to concentrate on a job--but I think I've pared it down to the essentials: ground, send energy, again and again. Maybe that's the lesson of this part of my life? Because it is practice, and the more I do it the better I become. Maybe there will come a change in the cycle and I'll focus on something else. Right now though, the need is immense and so I keep on , ground, send, ground, send.

I am so glad you can do your own work in the drum circles now! I wondered if you might need to grieve the change. It sounds like you've come through it with flying colors!

I like your Shamans Way website! Thank you so much! The link works fine, btw. And I did subscribe. Took a look at your blog (haven't read it all yet) and so far I really like it! I would LOVE a copy of the Solstice Ritual if that works out!

Compassionate depossession--that's what I was trying to remember! Glad to hear it's going so well. Now you have me all curious about anything which stretches the boundaries of your belief. My own boundaries have been stretched again and again the past three years--I was just telling someone yesterday that a couple of my Allies had to wait for me to grow up enough to believe in them again before they could work with me. I hope you will share what you've found and what you're doing (or what it's doing to you, lol); it's so fascinating! I like it that I finally came to a part of the wilderness where many paths are converging, and I like it that yours is one of them. Thanks for holding up a beacon so the rest of us can see more clearly as we walk!

Much love back to you!
Cath