Hi Wheelie,
For me, there's nothing wrong with loving someone who isn't available, but there is something wrong with acting on it. If you're talking and texting all the time (and if any of it is about sex...even tho you laughed about "not all about sex"), then you're acting on it. They are already emotionally cheating on their partner...and you're the other player in that triangle.
Again, just for me, that's never okay.
An open or poly arrangment is a very different thing. If everyone knows and everyone is okay with it, then carry on and much joy to you all. It doesn't sound like that's what's happening here though. And cheating...whether it's physical or emotional...erodes trust in a big, big way. For me, that trust never comes back...and without the trust, there's no chance for the relationship.
On the other subject....about always being interested in "not available" people...I have done this. The problem was in myself, and in my core belief that I didn't deserve a "real" relationship. I wouldn't have expressed it that way then, but that's what was going on. Counseling helped, writing helped, talking at length with a trusted friend helped...and I still struggled with it for a long, long time. I know where that came from for me now....but I would guess that it's different for everyone. What I know for sure....those "relationships" were incredibly damaging to me...and they made my problem worse, not better. I had to do the work first...then I had a chance for a real relationship.
Best of luck to you.
