Andrew, I can not believe it has been three years since your sister died. It was so hard for you. It's amazing to me that somehow we live through that kind of deep grief.
My beloved husband of 25 years died seven years ago this morning. I was up most of last night crying. This year has been much harder than the last few death anniversaries. I had never dated since his death until the last year or so. I dated two people casually, just for companionship. Then I met a very nice FTMan and was briefly engaged. For several months now I have been doing the long distance thing with a wonderful butch that is just such a big part of my heart.
I think the problem this year is that I AM dating. I feel like I am leaving my darling behind and it is tearing me up. I want to have a new love, I want to be happy again. But even after all these years I do not understand how the one I loved so much for so long is gone from my life. He was too young to die. He did not live to see our four childern grow up. And now we have a grand son that he will never see. He loved babies so much. We would immediately move toward any friend or family member in a room who had a baby and just be so fascinated and enthralled by it. Before you knew it he was walking around the room carrying the baby, chattering away to the baby and doing his best to make it laugh. Our grandson is missing alot not having him in his life.
The new love of my life is so wonderful. I called hym in the middle of the night and woke hym from a sound sleep (hy was actually even sick and had had a hard time going to sleep.) Hy woke right up and talked to me for hours until I felt better and thought I might be able to sleep. Hy called again this morning to make sure I was OK. Hy is so good about my life before we met. Hy wants to know all about my hubby and our life together. Hy is not jealous, but say hy loves hubby because he took such good care of me and made me happy.
I don't know what the future holds for us. We are both in our 60's and have homes of our own on opposite sides of the country. We are both willing to relocate, so that is a good thing. I want to be with hym. That is all I know so far. He makes me laugh and he has brought happiness back in to my life.
DomnNC says:
However that doesn't mean there isn't room for someone new and when it's right it will just happen, that's all there is to it. Whoever that person is will have to accept my wife as well because I refuse to act/live as if I never had a life or love before them, she was part of who made me who I am today.
I agree completely with this statement. There is much I love about my new love, but the fact that he is so wonderful about the first love of my heart has won him a permanent place in my heart, and hopefully a permanent place in my life as well.
Blessings to all of you who are moving through these holiday with the empty spaces in your lives. I wish you peace, and an eventual return to joy.
Smooches,
Keri
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