Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Gender Wars

daisyfm · 02-09-2011, 08:11 PM

Great thread Medusa! I thank you.
I haven't been here in a while. I am so glad you started this conversation. It is long overdue both online and in real time. I think. I cannot answer all the questions, but I will say what I feel is going on regarding Gender Wars...
Once upon a time when I came out in the 1990's, Butches opened doors and they opened minds. Femmes loved being Femmes, we also opened minds, we were liked and treated well. I don't remember misogyny at all. Butches were called she or he, or both, it depended on the Butch. Nobody around me ever made a big deal about their pronoun because it was respected and they would tell us what to use. Period. The Older Femmes whom I respected and worshiped, helped me shape and define my own identity without competition or rivalry. I had a lesbian husband who was NOT a wife and nobody ever questioned us. Nobody called her a he but me.
We LIVED gender. We didn't talk about it as much. We didn't have the vocabulary that is used these days. It wasn't a better time, but it sure was a time where people were more accepting about the Butch-Femme dynamic.
The Present. 2011.
The Gender War is on. Big time. I see it online and offline. In all my years of being out, which are many by now, I have never seen so much Femme rivalry and competition on who is more feminine than who, nor have I seen so much judgement surrounding Butch Identity, and who is more masculine than who.
This makes me sad, it makes me furious.
It has made me very isolated and feel like I am not a part of any community both online or offline.
I don't know if I am making a point here.
All I want to say is that sometimes change can be good, as long as every single identity is respected.
I used to be happy and feel my Femme "pride" as a younger woman, I had my place in my community I didn't have to fight for it even if I was invisible, and now that I am close to my 40's I feel so bad about not being respected as a Femme these days.
Misogyny is worse than it has ever been before. I have never been treated so badly by Butches as I am these days, and NO I am definitely not playing victim here or bashing anyone in particular. I am just wishing I was treated like in the past, were being Femme was beautiful and it sure felt wonderful. I hear the same thing from other Femmes I speak to.
I am starting a Femme group in my community soon, if only 2 people show up the day of the meeting, then what I am writing here will even make more sense and sadly it will be even more real to me...
Anyways...I am not sure if I answered any questions.
I am hoping to read more...

02-09-2011, 08:11 PM	#54
daisyfm Junior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: not looking. not interested. friends only. Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: home and never moving. Posts: 20 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 53 Thanked 55 Times in 16 Posts Rep Power: 77555	Great thread Medusa! I thank you. I haven't been here in a while. I am so glad you started this conversation. It is long overdue both online and in real time. I think. I cannot answer all the questions, but I will say what I feel is going on regarding Gender Wars... Once upon a time when I came out in the 1990's, Butches opened doors and they opened minds. Femmes loved being Femmes, we also opened minds, we were liked and treated well. I don't remember misogyny at all. Butches were called she or he, or both, it depended on the Butch. Nobody around me ever made a big deal about their pronoun because it was respected and they would tell us what to use. Period. The Older Femmes whom I respected and worshiped, helped me shape and define my own identity without competition or rivalry. I had a lesbian husband who was NOT a wife and nobody ever questioned us. Nobody called her a he but me. We LIVED gender. We didn't talk about it as much. We didn't have the vocabulary that is used these days. It wasn't a better time, but it sure was a time where people were more accepting about the Butch-Femme dynamic. The Present. 2011. The Gender War is on. Big time. I see it online and offline. In all my years of being out, which are many by now, I have never seen so much Femme rivalry and competition on who is more feminine than who, nor have I seen so much judgement surrounding Butch Identity, and who is more masculine than who. This makes me sad, it makes me furious. It has made me very isolated and feel like I am not a part of any community both online or offline. I don't know if I am making a point here. All I want to say is that sometimes change can be good, as long as every single identity is respected. I used to be happy and feel my Femme "pride" as a younger woman, I had my place in my community I didn't have to fight for it even if I was invisible, and now that I am close to my 40's I feel so bad about not being respected as a Femme these days. Misogyny is worse than it has ever been before. I have never been treated so badly by Butches as I am these days, and NO I am definitely not playing victim here or bashing anyone in particular. I am just wishing I was treated like in the past, were being Femme was beautiful and it sure felt wonderful. I hear the same thing from other Femmes I speak to. I am starting a Femme group in my community soon, if only 2 people show up the day of the meeting, then what I am writing here will even make more sense and sadly it will be even more real to me... Anyways...I am not sure if I answered any questions. I am hoping to read more...