[sylvie]

i've been a bad, bad girl.. (and been staying out of here because of it)..lol..

i have fallen off the wagon, so to speak, but want to say, i am (for the first time) not beating myself up over this.. soo facing my demons, putting it out there, dusting myself off, and jumping back on & enjoying the ride..

hi all *waves* remember me? lol.. sigh!
well, all was going great, but i had a bit of a set back.. but i need to say this, i woke up yesterday morning with one helluva new outlook on life, the things i need to do to get healthy, be happy & live life with ease..( that's a combination of a lot of things in my life, not just healthy eating...)

i'm used to bullying myself around and beating myself up for the small things and not celebrating the really great & big things.. now it's going to be about that AND having fun with it!! this isn't work so much as it is a drive to be healthier, happier and want to LIVE to enjoy those i love and the things i love doing...

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that being said.. i'm really mindset on my eating disorder..
i called my therapist yesterday about a program to go to, just for some extra support, and we'll also touch this in my therapy sessions.. my therapy is based on positive support and helping me reach my inner stuff and tackling the challenges that hold me back so i can find ways to move forward..but this is one i was not willing to go there with her about... so , think this is a big step for me.

ANYway, that being said.. i only binged once in the last few weeks, but.. it's what i have done afterwards, that really has put me in a pickle.. i stress myself over that one downfall which leads to my not eating at all a lot of the time which in turn plays on my health and vicious circle.. though i have had some workouts and have had some days where i've eaten some and honestly, it's just a depend on the day kind of thing... i internalize the inner bully, beat myself up and then do things to hurt myself, ya know? not easy to admit ive been doing that for years but, it is what it is.. (uhhh, hurt myself meaning starve myself and beat myself up)

so, BACK on the wagon i jump..
setting some goals for myself today, & for tomorrow..
i'll be back with those goals, just getting this out of my system first..
and sending you all TONS of encouragement, to keep going ..
lots of hugggs for the hard days, and a gentle push to keep at it too!
we got this, REALLY we do!! =)