Hmmmm, where to start?
I'm far from the perfect parent (just ask Scoote
)....I have no doubt that I'm over-protective, over-indulgent and several other "overs."
I also have no doubt where it comes from, and I wouldn't change it.
My parenting is the polar opposite to the parenting I (didn't) receive. My mother is angry, narcissistic and didn't want to be a mother...and it showed. I was taught early that my needs didn't count, and my value was determined by how hard I work and what I did for other people. Even at 49 I find myself still trying to please her...ridiculous...but still there.
My father left when I was 3 or 4 and said he'd rather go to jail than pay child support. He was true to his word, and we grew up in poverty that I don't even like to think about as a result of that choice (coupled with the choices my mother made).
My mother called my sister and I her roommates...and made no secret of the fact that she wished we didn't exist.
I was not protected...physically, emotionally or sexually...ever, that I can recall.
I was never told that I was loved...ever, that I can recall.
I remember hugging my mother when I was 18 and feeling her stiffen up and try to pull away. I resisted and (being stronger) basically made her stand there and take it. She did, but she never said a word about it after either. We don't hug. We don't kiss. We don't say "I love you." We never did, and we don't to this day.
So.... my son gets an allowance "for breathing" as Scoote says. We hug. We kiss. He can pile onto my lap on the couch (despite being 13, as tall as me and about 120 lbs). I tuck him into bed. I kiss him goodnight. I tell him I love him....when I drop him off at school, when he goes to sleep at night, and sometimes randomly in between just because.
I'll support him through college....well, through a BA or BS. If he wants graduate school (which I encourage) then he can go into debt like his mama did!
Luckily, he's not a spoiled brat. He appreciates what he gets. He's kind and sensitive. He's klutsy and messy and a bit dense in that teenage boy way at times....but he genuinely cares about people. And, most important to me, he knows that he's loved, accepted and appreciated for exactly who he is.
