Quote:
Originally Posted by Nat
I lack skills/practice in the arts of nurturing and/or being nurtured. I used to think it was a personality trait you were born with (ha - nature vs NURTURE), but I'm thinking actually it's a skill that a person can develop. Maybe it comes more naturally to some people than to others, but everybody can improve, right?
So, questions:
What does "nurturing" mean to you?
What makes you feel most nurtured?
How would you like best to be nurtured?
In what ways do you like to nurture others? Yourself?
What situations, books, articles, movies, beliefs, epiphanies etc have helped you become more comfortable with being on the giving and/or receiving end of nurturing?
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I find that nurturing, for me, begins with
compassion and empathy. It is a way of loving another, and yourself. It is not indulgent or co-dependant. It comes from
the heart. To nurture is to see another or oneself as someone of value, and to see the struggles and needs of that person, and
attend to them.
It can be as simple as cooking a meal. It can also be as simple as looking into the soul of another as saying, "I see you and I am here, fully present with you." To be fully present with another person in their pain and struggles is nurturing. Sometimes that is giving a hug. Sometimes it means giving someone space when they need it. Sometimes it is just sitting and listening with an open heart.
I think that some people need more practice than others, but we can all benefit from working on these skills. If one wasn't raised in a nurturing environment it's more of a challenge to be nurturing. I think that it is often the hardest thing to be nurturing to oneself. When I was younger I had to learn to be more forgiving of my own faults and shortcomings before I could truly be that way with others. As a child and teenager I was judged harshly, so I learned to judge others harshly, as well as myself. Unraveling all that began with self-acceptance. I am still unraveling that stuff today, and I am much more skilled with having compassion for and nurturing others than for myself.
Buddhism is a spiritual practice that emphasizes compassion. I think it can help one become a better nurturer. I have gone through years of hard work in therapy which has helped me a lot to be better at nurturing. My spiritual beliefs about God/ess (and reading Kierkegaard) has helped me very much as well.
I hope this is helpful.