[violaine]

[QUOTE=christie0918;332624]Belle - I think both you and Andrew bring up really good points about "normal" and the unspoken expectations/standards/rules. Its always been these things that were Bratboy's biggest obstacles. I may have mentioned this before, but he had to learn to read body language, facial expressions and to listen for tone when interacting. He was often a very literal child and I know he has had the same difficulty in online forums.

I think that sarcasm in an online forum is difficult for anyone to "read" unless they know the person making the post and can "hear" how they might say the same thing if in real-time. For me, if I am uncertain as to the intent of the typed words, unless its something that directly impacts me, I tend to move past it.

I had a conversation with a very good friend of mine not too long ago about how difficult its been to formulate an after-graduation plan for Bratboy. I had been told of a small college not too far from our town that has an outreach program for spectrum folks. I was really excited about the possibility of him being able to attend a four-year college with additional support on campus.

I was in no way prepared for the ensuing diatribe of how she didnt think it was fair that he could obtain a four year degree with what amounts to an IEP the same as another student who "doesn't have the privilege of the additional support" and that he would, in essence, when in the job market after college, be "taking away someone's chance at a job who didn't have the "pass" he did while in college."

I really didnt know how to respond to her - I see her point. I also know how important it is to ensure that everyone, regardless of ability, has the same access to education and what a difference it will make in his future. I am still torn with how I feel about it.

I am happy to say that we have been able to formulate a plan for him - he has part time employment over the summer with a company who works with "not quite ready for the workforce folks" as a landscaping helper. It pays minimum wage and they will provide transportation to and from job sites. We think that it will give him an introduction to working without some of the pressures if he took a job with a company who didnt understand that he will have challenges.

In October, he will attend a nine week life skills class on the campus of a rehabilitation center about 5 hours from us. After he completes that program, he will begin the culinary arts program they offer and it gives him the same certificate that attending the local community college would offer. Both programs are federally and state funded and while we don't qualify for the subsidy program, even the monthly amount to include room, board and materials is really, really affordable.

At this point, I think I am really ok with the "passes", however mythical or not. I mean, really, we are talking about showing additional compassion, understanding and patience for those who need it and, well, I just can't imagine not.

christie, culinary arts, right on! a tremendous amout of work goes into planning a future for your son, especially at the distance from home. he will have so many transitions ahead of him, and that's no cake walk!

your post makes sense to me in that i wonder if people who are not on the spectrum realise how insulting it can be to hear certain things- i.e., accusations of being sarcastic, or being well-aware of something done to incite others - getting passes for the sake of using DX as a crutch, having more opportunities than NTs - when the opposite is more likely to be true. this can be so annoying! as a kid, several of those phrases were not unfamiliar to me from distant relatives, btw. online, matter-of-fact, and very infrequent personalisation is my posting style- but how it gets read/translated who knows; and really, i would love to be asked if someone was unsure of how i meant something i composed. isn't it inconceivable for there to be an expectation of any person [nt or NoT] to read minds and know just exactly what/when/how anyone else is going to be 'triggered' by their own stuff when you're trying to not engage negatively- because it isn't on the mind to do so! going on to the next step without additonal stress of it being about the other person - is that asking for a pass/ too much ?

i wish you all the best, christine. he seems like a remarkable young man with beautifully supportive parents!

belle