[Gráinne]

I always get weird and weepy around this time. My mother died April 28, 1996-yeah, two weeks before Mother's Day, and on her birthday to boot. She had cancer; one month from discovery to death. It was the nasty one that got Michael Landon and Patrick Swazey-pancreatic. I miss her a lot, and I can't tell you how many times I used to go to the phone to call her, before I'd remember. I did that for nearly a year.

She and my dad are both buried in Ohio, so I can't get back up there to "see" them.

My daughter is 12 and it still feels weird when the kids take me out. I have to remember that I'm "the mom" now. Their dad's mom is only in her early 60's, so we'll be calling Grandma, too. Sometimes I feel almost jealous that my kids' dad has both his parents and both his siblings, and I don't have any, plus I've lost two brothers. Irrational, but it's how I feel.

I'm already dreading Father's Day. My dad went almost the same way-throat cancer, two weeks from discovery to death! He was 92, and very ready, I think. He lived in Oregon, and I'm glad I got to see him before the cancer, when he was "with it" and able to get around. At least we had that last good visit.

Goodness, sorry for rambling!