Quote:
Originally Posted by Heart
I don't know if butches feel pressured by the transmen they encounter, but I do know that more than one butch in my life has expressed feeling pressure to just "be a man," rather than maintain the complex identity of butch or butch woman. This pressure emanates from many places in many ways, not least of which is the the way butch is conflated with male/masculine/man in both queer and non-queer communities.
Add to this the ongoing sexism, homophobia, and misogyny butches face as visible queer females, and the pressure rises. Throw in hierarchies of more/less butch, based upon how "manly" one is, and it can feel like a pressure cooker. So much so that one person I know opted to let go of the identity (at least the label) and have less contact with the B/F/T community, rather than continue to feel evaluated based upon standards she felt no resonance with.
I will say that I have, over the years, witnessed online a kind of pressure from some femmes towards butches to be the "men of the community," which horrified me. (What is wrong with being the BUTCHES of the community??)
I will also say that I know numerous transmen who get it -- who have no interest in "converting" butches and respect and honor them for who they are.
And the last thing I'll say is that some butches I know are 3rd gender and others are women. Woman and butch are not, have never been, and never will be mutually exclusive of each other.
Heart
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Thank you Heart for this post. Puts it into the fluid perspective it is.
Unfortunately, I have to agree with what you state about what Butches go through here and often in real time within our own community. Yes, Transmen "get us" on a whole other level than many femmes (probably part of why I don't feel pressure from them to transition). They get the bathroom garbage, and threats (or actual) violence we deal with- all of it. At least transmen I relate to. Part of this is because they have lived it, but I think they just have a deeper sensitivity about such things due to gender identity struggles.
The pressure cooker you site is very real for me as a FIB- and I know these feelings exist for MIBs and 3rd Gendered butches as well.
I want to be accepted for who I am in this body and mind of mine, period. I love my body as it is (LOL, sure, a bit of nostalgia for it in younger form comes up). I love the balance and integration of feminine & masculine (if I have to use these terms- anima & animus fit better I feel- even yin & yang- two-spirit is good) as a butch woman.
Something I need to state, however, is that I do understand some of issues that femmes go through that are with transmen- and why at times, they feel put down or not accepted. It would do us well to be more sensitive to all factors that people go through. No matter their identity.
I really just want to be the butch I am and be accepted…. it is hard enough dealing with what goes on in real-time. It hasn't been very long at all since the last time I was threatened with violence.