Quote:
Originally Posted by Martina
i kinda agree that this is not exactly the same as what butches deal with. There is that shock of betrayal because they assumed we were straight, and they identify with us more, find it harder to "other" us. They are more likely then to say inappropriate and intrusive things, even people who are not normally like that.
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Yes. Exactly.
The situation in the OP happens to me occasionally but even more often, the straight woman (who is practically a stranger, no more than an acquaintance), upon learning of my queerness, suddenly feels entitled to ask intimate questions of the sort that they would never dream of asking other people in polite conversation. Often these questions are based in such ignorance that I feel compelled to illuminate.
I am not one to shy away from frank sexual discussion but in cases like these, I often feel like the circus freak in the eyes of the questioner which feels somehow diminishing.
I am not a spectacle, here for your amusement.
I suspect the reason they feel comfortable being inappropriate has to do with the fact that they did identify with me before I came out to them, and therefore feel some level of safety. I also believe that whether they are "afraid" I will now try to bed them OR they simply take liberties in conversation, the motivation has everything to do with their own fears and insecurities. If they liked me so much before they knew, if they identified with me, perhaps even admired me in some way - what does this now say about them? I believe most of the reactions we are discussing have to do with
her trying to figure out herself in relation to me, given the new information. Curiosity is fine. Understandable. But I am still a person - who appreciates my privacy and a certain amount of etiquette among strangers and acquaintances.
I am forced to come out regularly. Again and again. I sometimes find it tiresome but generally accept it. In our society, I
am "other". I am proud of who I am and who I love.