Quote:
Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow
I can't believe this just happened to me about three or so weeks ago. I have been trying to put it words.
I am out to only a select few (LIKE TWO) people at work for various reasons.
So, when I came out to my friend about four or five months ago...she seemed to handle it ok. She had been involved in LGBT initiatives in our workplace etc...
About a month ago, I am talking to her about her wedding. She has been WAITING (ahem) for over three years for this dude to propose to her. So, here I am, all getting into it for her--talking about locations, dresses, etc. She really appreciated it b/c many friends were lost during a certain time in her life...enough said on that.
Anyway, we are driving in her car and I just HAPPENED to ask about her fiancee's roommate--I asked nothing except, "Oh, how does she feel about the wedding; did you and your fiancee tell her that she will have to move out? " etc. etc.
OUT OF THE BLUE: She says to me, "Well, I would introduce you to her (I DID NOT ASK TO BE!), but she is ...ummm....pause...."
My mind was at a loss.
Then it hit me.
I said to my friend, "Oh, is she a lesbian?"
Friend: (verbatim practically!): "Yes, and I wouldn't want to be the one who destroyed your marriage."
So..............b/c she found out I was queer, ANY woman was suspect--that I would FALL into bed with them and she would be responsible!
I can't even tell you how I reacted at this point except to say...I DIED. AND TRIED to make her understand...it goes on from there...
yep. as soon as i come out to ONE person, that is what happened. nice.
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Sorry you had to experience this from a friend. They are supposed to be the people that you trust, and it obviously backfired! This is ridiculous. From what I have gathered, people get afraid and go into "protection" mode because they do not understand.
I have even done this in my community... specifically with a butch who was into the leather community (something I knew nothing about!). I did some of the same things as stated above, asked stupid questions, was guarded, etc. It wasn't until we talked about it more, understood that she wasn't going to whip me, or force me into some satanic play (lol) that I realized I was just judging her off assumptions. Now, I have met one of the most wonderful, caring, sweet and amazing butches ever!! I am glad she didn't write me off immediately and gave me a chance! Education and conversation are definitely important!!
Just my thought for the day!