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Nina · 07-15-2011, 08:35 PM

if I wasn't so mad at myself I would be laughing...

G had been here visiting for 5 days...we had a grand time and my eating was in control and fine...the plane leaves and, for the next 36 hours all I can do is eat..or think about eating...or take bites out of things and throw them away...it's food, food, food....

if I had ANY thoughts that food and feelings and stress and all that weren't connected for me, even I --Queen of Denial, can not miss it ...

and, the thing I really notice is how unsatisfied I feel...I'm not full, since truth told I am not eating as much as I think I am...and I am not numb, which is probably my goal...

I guess, as I think about it, I find that my disconnect button is not working so well...and thank goodness for that...I want to eat and I have been eating worse, but it doesn't work as well as it once did...and I am not willing to give up on my desire to be smaller...and my yearning for lots of new cute dresses...and to win the Bet...

mostly I don't want to slip...I am okay with a stumble but there really is little to no point to Fall...typing this out has really helped me process...and, I thank you for that...

I no longer have to eat my feelings...and that feels pretty fucking good!

07-15-2011, 08:35 PM	#446
Nina Timed Out How Do You Identify?: unmistakably Preferred Pronoun?: dearheart Relationship Status: In love, loved and Happy, thanks for askin' Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: SF CA Posts: 1,720 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,113 Thanked 3,384 Times in 931 Posts Rep Power: 0	if I wasn't so mad at myself I would be laughing... G had been here visiting for 5 days...we had a grand time and my eating was in control and fine...the plane leaves and, for the next 36 hours all I can do is eat..or think about eating...or take bites out of things and throw them away...it's food, food, food.... if I had ANY thoughts that food and feelings and stress and all that weren't connected for me, even I --Queen of Denial, can not miss it ... and, the thing I really notice is how unsatisfied I feel...I'm not full, since truth told I am not eating as much as I think I am...and I am not numb, which is probably my goal... I guess, as I think about it, I find that my disconnect button is not working so well...and thank goodness for that...I want to eat and I have been eating worse, but it doesn't work as well as it once did...and I am not willing to give up on my desire to be smaller...and my yearning for lots of new cute dresses...and to win the Bet... mostly I don't want to slip...I am okay with a stumble but there really is little to no point to Fall...typing this out has really helped me process...and, I thank you for that... I no longer have to eat my feelings...and that feels pretty fucking good!