[Tommi]

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

Replies... very... nice, thank you.

Ah, basically, I did a complete 180 - my last girlfriend was an abusive alcoholic, and this woman is so completely the opposite. She's absolutely amazing, and what did I do? Well, I pushed her away, time and time again. Thing is, I didn't exactly realize what I was doing until it was too late.

Isn't that how it always works, though?

Anyway, after many, many tears and "I love yous" we have mutually decided to be friends, and she is still planning on flying down here next week to see me - no promises, no expectations.

I'm just hoping that by showing her that I really do love her, and I never intentionally tried to hurt her, and that I'm going to be seeing someone to try and work out my issues with pushing away great people and trying to hold onto abusive people, maybe we can slowly work things out.

Again, thank you.

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

Thank you...

Not really sure where to go from here.

IN my opine only***From my side of the wagon where the wheels fell off...I know, for me, I try to figure out where I go, when the lights go out..and why I push away, or go away. I highlighted in red above what jumped out at me.

Learning about, and healing and understanding myself first is a work in progress, everyday, and in every way. I have learned that there are certain triggers, certain emotions that send me over the edge, and make me shut down, disappear and withdraw, thus pushing my love away.

So, in My opine, work on me first, no matter how long, how far, and how deep I love and want, and pay the huge price by ....being alone with myself.

Best wishes from the wagontrail