[pinkajl]

For me, how you ask me on a date is directly related to whether or not we will have a first date. Do not give me your phone number and ask *me* to call *you*. It won't happen. Do not ask, "Don't you think it would be nice to go out one night?" The answer will be, "No".

If you want to date me and I haven't necessarily encouraged your attention, then it is your job to show me why I should make time for you - because I don't date everyone who asks. I am attracted to butches, in part, for the level of self-confidence they possess to be true to who they are in the face of the world. Please, let's begin this dance with a show of self-confidence in the way that you approach me.

If we haven't talked much in the past, inquire a bit to find out a few things about my likes and preferences and then plan something nice. Simple is fine. Fancy is fine. What matters most is that you demonstrate that you've listened to me and have put some thought into what you believe is a nice outing. If you can't come up with one idea for what we can do together, then we won't be going out on a date.

Neat and clean is essential. When you come to pick me up, I will not come to you if you honk the horn. As a matter of fact, I will not even open the door to let you know I've heard. You are welcome to bring me flowers, but roses are not an appropriate first date gift, in my opinion. For that matter, no "gift" is really appropriate on a first date, beyond flowers or a bottle of wine. I cannot be bought.

I expect help with my jacket, my doors to be opened, and my chair to be pulled out. When I used to smoke, I expected my cigarettes to be lit - and, no, I will not lean into you. If we go out to supper, I will let you know what I would like to order and allow you to handle the conversation with the wait staff. And, since you asked me out on this first date, I do expect you to pay for the evening. Should we have another date and I ask you, then I will pay for that outing.

Conversation is extremely important. Yes, I do want to hear about you, your life, and what you do for work - but all in moderation, please. If I find something particularly intriguing, trust me, I will ask you lots of questions. At the same time, I appreciate your interest in me. Chances are, I don't know what exactly interests you, so help me out with some questions. But, as we talk on our first date, I truly have no interest in hearing about your last date or your ex. Although, those are okay topics on subsequent dates.

If you must keep your cell phone on buzz-mode because of work or kids, I understand and respect your need to see if you must excuse yourself for a short call. However, if you haven't mentioned this at the front end of our date, I will assume that I am boring you and will seek to end the date sooner rather than later.

Please do not presume that because you are paying that you have the privilege of touching me. As we walk, you're welcome to put out your arm and I very well may take it in mine. If you ask if you may hold my hand, the answer will likely be yes - unless you have bored me with your conversation or your manners are atrocious. As for a kiss at the end of the evening... If you don't ask, you will be left groping for air as I move swiftly inside my house. If you do ask, well, it will all depend upon whether or not I'm interested in a second date.

With all this said, should we have a first date, I would like for you to know that you will have my undivided attention. When you do me the courtesies of opening my door, etc, I will smile and look you in the eyes and say thank you. Should your tie be askew, I'll ask if I can straighten it for you. If I see your hair is out of place and it's clear you care about such things, I'll discreetly let you know so you can take care of it. Everyone in the room and on the street that we pass will know that I am proud and happy to be by the side of a handsome butch.

If necessary, I will accompany you to the restroom without your asking. Should someone make an unwanted remark about the b-f dynamic or your butchness without you being present, I will firmly assert myself and let them know it's none of their business. I will neither encourage nor accept attention from anyone else while we are on a date.

In short, I expect to be treated with respect for the femme that I am because I will treat you with the utmost of respect for the butch that you are.

Pink