Kobi - Not picking on you but want to use your post as a jumping off point.
I think there are a couple of things going on here but first, let me address a couple of things in the examples given by your friend:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kobi
As a femme, she never has her gender or femaleness called into question.
As a female id butch, I customarily do.
**Actually, I consider "Femme" to be my gender and it's been called into question many, many times out in the straight world, and sadly, in Queer space as well.
As a femme, there is never a question about her preferred pronouns.
As a butch, do I prefer her/she, hym/hy, hir, he/him etc.
**This is mostly true. I am always referred to as "she". Don't ask me about the times when I am referred to as "Mrs." and then someone will inevitably assume my last name is my "husband's".
As a femme, she can blend into the mainstream without question.
Even as a female id butch, I am outed on sight.
**Blending into mainstream isn't something that feels good to me and I don't celebrate it. It's Femme Invisibility 101.
As a femme, there is no male telling her the new label of choice is "less than masculine".
As a female id butch, I am expected to accept a male telling me my new label is "masculine of center" and be happy about it!
**Nope, nobody telling me that I'm "less than masculine", but I'm not the "right kind of woman" by most measures of homogenous society.
As a femme, she has the luxury of varying the gender of her preferred partners. She might add queer to it as a qualifier.
As a butch lesbian, it's women only.
**Varying the gender? What does that mean? Does it mean *I* get to choose who I fuck? Or does that mean that I am choosing what pronoun to call my partner? Or are you saying that Butches don't fuck men, Transmen, or Gay boys?
As a femme, she will always be a femme.
As a female identified butch lesbian, I am thrown into a pot with males. My femaleness and lesbianism is equated with males and heterosexuality.
**While I *am* always a Femme, I am often thrown into a pot with straight women. My femaleness and lesbianism is equated with straight females and fetishized pornography.
As a femme, she will never be mistaken for a man.
As a butch I usually am.
**I may not be mistaken for a man, but I am almost always mistaken for a straight woman (unless in Queer space)
As a femme, she never had to deal with the impact of being told she just wanted to be a man.
As a butch, I did. And with the emerging trans community, the message now comes from within rather than outside the community. Whether from within or without, the message is a slap in the face.
**As a femme, I've never been told I "just wanted to be a man" but I have been told more times than I can count that my attraction to Butches means that I "should just fuck men". That message is also a slap in the face.
As a femme, she will never be too feminine.
As a female id butch, the message that I am not masculine or male enough is getting annoying.
**Until she is. The message that I am ditzy, stupid, fluffy, a helpless babygirl, or really a straight woman who just wants her pussy eaten is also getting annoying.
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I illustrate a lot of this because I think that there is a message being fed to BOTH Butches and Femmes not only by the world at large but also (as illustrated with BV) in Queer space.
The message is that until we fall in line with homogenous idealism where womenfolk need to sit their asses down and shut the fuck up, we are going to be treated with waggled fingers, a wall of silencing shushes, or heatpatting.
The message is that when we stand against it, we are "Bitches", "Feminazis", "Separatists", "Troublemakers", "Angry", "Humorless", "Crusty", or my VERY favorite..."In need of a good fucking".
The message is that we are not acceptable just the way we are.
The message is that the only "acceptable" is one that values male over female, no matter the context.
The message is that, as Butches and Femmes, we are somehow "broken".
The message is that while we are climbing over the backs of Butches and Femmes to build a Gender Mountain, we step in the face of our own history, our own spirit.