[Leigh]

Originally Posted by JustJo

Hey sweetfemme,

I know how hard this is. Long story, but my family is highly critical...particularly around issues of weight. Since they are naturally slim and athletically built people, and I take after the other (round and soft) side of the family, they really couldn't relate to me or my realities.

One of the things that I found helpful is to call them out on it (and, yes, that's difficult). Generally, people who make passive-aggressive nasty or ciritical remarks aren't expecting for you to respond other than by being hurt.

I'm not saying get into a huge argument.....but a calm honest response that questions them can be remarkably effective.

My mother couldn't speak for about 5 minutes the first time I responded with "So Mom, the last few times I've seen you, you've made critical remarks about my weight. Do you honestly think that the most important thing about me is the size of my waist?"

It might not have been the most brilliant question, but it did slow her down.
After that, every time she'd be critical I'd call it out and question if that's what she really meant to say, and if she was actually defining me and our relationship by my weight.

Eventually, she stopped.

I'm not promising anything....but people who use sarcasm and criticism to control others aren't usually prepared for calm, honest confrontation.

Just something to think about....and wishing you the best.

Jo,

I know this reality all too well, having so many people remind Me constantly about My weight and how I'm a "big" person. I get it I'm fat, I see it everyday and I encounter the bullshit that comes along with it everyday of My life. Last night I went to visit My best friend L and her boyfriend J, with whom I had a falling out with the other day though we talked things out before it ended our friendships. J is not a big guy though he does have a beer gut, and he is constantly making fun of My weight ~ if I try and tell him that it hurts Me and that I want it to stop his famous remark is "suck it up princess". Why should I? Just because he's used to stick thin people being in his life, why should I deal with that kind of negativity? Me and him bug one another, which is fine I can deal with it, but his biggest thing is to use My weight against Me like its funny.

I hate the fact that so many people define one's relationship with another person based on their weight. I totally understand health concerns and such, but there is no excuse for making fun of someone just because they are overweight ~ there's no excuse for it. I don't make fun of people for anything, whether it be overweight or something else, because I know how much that kind of thing hurts. I like your approach to your mom and how you handled her criticism of you but I just wonder, how do you handle someone who is constantly using your weight against you? When they are not rational or think its just plain funny to make fun of you, how do you really make them understand that its not okay? I'm still trying to figure this out and short of telling him to eff off and get out of My life, I don't know what else to do ~ I'm at a loss here.

Anyways enough of a thread derail, I hope that everyone has a fantastic day and that everyone's weight loss is on track :-)