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ReDo · 08-09-2011, 04:31 AM

I am about to move to Florida.

I am leaving the life that I have known for 6 years now behind. Scared doesn't even begin to touch how I am feeling. The relationship here is so unhealthy and abusive but it is known and has somehow become my normal way of life.

My friends shake their head as they see the damage he has done to me on the inside. Never mind what is done on the outside all of that will go away in time. The inside however they worry I have become cold and hard with my heart. Yes I sound nice on screen and I am respectful and I still have that little grrl part of me that holds onto hope but I know they are right I know my heart is cold and callased over now. It will take a strong person to melt the ice away and get me to trust again.

I know leaving is the right thing to do the only thing to do. He doesn't know yet I havn't told him in fear of what will follow. I will tell him the night before and well... I know I will be fine.

I am leaving the beautiful lake house that I love, the big fancy bank account, fancy car, clothes, furniture... the hardest part is leaving Ridgid my dog that I have loved for 6 years. I can't take him with me it would be such a huge fight with the ex that well.. i just can't take him.

People don't understand its not easy to just walk out the door and leave a life that is full of anger and hate. It is tuff it is really hard and really scary.

I tell myself "you can do this you are one tough chick" Funny thing is I don't feel so tough. I want to curl up in a ball and hide from what has become my own life.

I know I will make it failure is not an option. As many times as he has told me I will never make it and that without him I will be nothing. I know I can stand on my own two feet and make my life happen. I will find work one maybe two jobs to make ends meet. I will have my own tiny place probably far from the lake or ocean, and I will struggle but... I will be free. I will be free of hate, anger, fighting, hitting, and the emotional pain that goes with all of that. I will be free to find the one I am supposed to be with. The one who will see me for who I am and love me the way I should be loved always.

I cry I sit here and cry watching Ridgid sleep knowing in just 7 days he will no longer be mine. In 7 days I will walk out the door and never return.

I am tough enough I tell myself. I can do this. I am one mean chick.

My heart is cold and callosed so it shouldn't hurt. I shouldn't be afraid of anything. I can do this.

08-09-2011, 04:31 AM	#6341
ReDo Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: her Relationship Status: I am the treat to your trick Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Florida Posts: 129 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 265 Thanked 883 Times in 93 Posts Rep Power: 9521536	I am about to move to Florida. I am leaving the life that I have known for 6 years now behind. Scared doesn't even begin to touch how I am feeling. The relationship here is so unhealthy and abusive but it is known and has somehow become my normal way of life. My friends shake their head as they see the damage he has done to me on the inside. Never mind what is done on the outside all of that will go away in time. The inside however they worry I have become cold and hard with my heart. Yes I sound nice on screen and I am respectful and I still have that little grrl part of me that holds onto hope but I know they are right I know my heart is cold and callased over now. It will take a strong person to melt the ice away and get me to trust again. I know leaving is the right thing to do the only thing to do. He doesn't know yet I havn't told him in fear of what will follow. I will tell him the night before and well... I know I will be fine. I am leaving the beautiful lake house that I love, the big fancy bank account, fancy car, clothes, furniture... the hardest part is leaving Ridgid my dog that I have loved for 6 years. I can't take him with me it would be such a huge fight with the ex that well.. i just can't take him. People don't understand its not easy to just walk out the door and leave a life that is full of anger and hate. It is tuff it is really hard and really scary. I tell myself "you can do this you are one tough chick" Funny thing is I don't feel so tough. I want to curl up in a ball and hide from what has become my own life. I know I will make it failure is not an option. As many times as he has told me I will never make it and that without him I will be nothing. I know I can stand on my own two feet and make my life happen. I will find work one maybe two jobs to make ends meet. I will have my own tiny place probably far from the lake or ocean, and I will struggle but... I will be free. I will be free of hate, anger, fighting, hitting, and the emotional pain that goes with all of that. I will be free to find the one I am supposed to be with. The one who will see me for who I am and love me the way I should be loved always. I cry I sit here and cry watching Ridgid sleep knowing in just 7 days he will no longer be mine. In 7 days I will walk out the door and never return. I am tough enough I tell myself. I can do this. I am one mean chick. My heart is cold and callosed so it shouldn't hurt. I shouldn't be afraid of anything. I can do this. __________________ Always remember, tomorrow is another chance for a great day.