Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post

*Anya* · 08-12-2011, 11:26 AM

For me, has always been emotional in nature, always. WLS would have never "cured" that!

I am not going to focus on my weight per se because the weight is not the issue (again, for me) it is the why I gained weight in the first place.

My parents were physically and emotionally abusive. We rarely had sweets in the house except when my parents had a bridge party and then I would help my mom set up the card tables and snacks, just so I could sneak some.

One tine I vividly recall, I found a Hersey bar in the back of our junk drawer. I thought I died and went to heaven. I hustled up to my room and ate it in short order. I was under 10 so I gave no thought as to why a candy bar, never allowed in our house, would magically appear in the junk drawer. Of course, it was my mom's own stash she hid from my rabidly fat-phobic "hold in that stomach" father. My mother beat the shit out of me with a wooden spoon for eating her candy bar.

By the time I was a teen, I was more terrified of being fat and upsetting my father than my need to comfort-eat. After I moved out of the house-the day I turned 18, I might add, I maintained my weight as us medical people would call WNL-until, as I have posted before, my relationship went into the toilet. I then gave free rein to my need to feel better with food until 2 1/2 years ago when I again seized control back.

That hunger inside me to eat for confort is like a snake inside my soul, coiled up and always ready to pounce. Every day is a struggle to keep that fucking snake asleep. When I am sad and in a bad place as I am now, I want to free that snake!

It is always a battle between my intellect totally "getting" that desire and my emotions that got twisted so long ago.

No, WLS would do nothing for me in terms of winning that battle once and for all.

That being said, I know it has been a life-saver for many and I know that just because something would not "work" for me, does not mean it may nit fir someone else-but the psychological reasons for eating must be dealt with.

Losing weight is hard- keeping it off is the hardest.

08-12-2011, 11:26 AM	#941
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,461 Times in 7,283 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Eating...(sorry about typos-hard to fix on IPhone small scree) For me, has always been emotional in nature, always. WLS would have never "cured" that! I am not going to focus on my weight per se because the weight is not the issue (again, for me) it is the why I gained weight in the first place. My parents were physically and emotionally abusive. We rarely had sweets in the house except when my parents had a bridge party and then I would help my mom set up the card tables and snacks, just so I could sneak some. One tine I vividly recall, I found a Hersey bar in the back of our junk drawer. I thought I died and went to heaven. I hustled up to my room and ate it in short order. I was under 10 so I gave no thought as to why a candy bar, never allowed in our house, would magically appear in the junk drawer. Of course, it was my mom's own stash she hid from my rabidly fat-phobic "hold in that stomach" father. My mother beat the shit out of me with a wooden spoon for eating her candy bar. By the time I was a teen, I was more terrified of being fat and upsetting my father than my need to comfort-eat. After I moved out of the house-the day I turned 18, I might add, I maintained my weight as us medical people would call WNL-until, as I have posted before, my relationship went into the toilet. I then gave free rein to my need to feel better with food until 2 1/2 years ago when I again seized control back. That hunger inside me to eat for confort is like a snake inside my soul, coiled up and always ready to pounce. Every day is a struggle to keep that fucking snake asleep. When I am sad and in a bad place as I am now, I want to free that snake! It is always a battle between my intellect totally "getting" that desire and my emotions that got twisted so long ago. No, WLS would do nothing for me in terms of winning that battle once and for all. That being said, I know it has been a life-saver for many and I know that just because something would not "work" for me, does not mean it may nit fir someone else-but the psychological reasons for eating must be dealt with. Losing weight is hard- keeping it off is the hardest. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner