[Scorp]

Good Morning Fellow Weight-Loss Peeps,

I was getting ready to post and be upset because I hopped on the scale an hour or so ago and it said I gained almost 5 lbs.

I gasped in horror and was getting ready to beat myself up and blame the yogurt parfaits that I've been thoroughly enjoying this week for breakfast from the cafe' across the street. And yesterday I caved and got pad thai with my friends at work. I ate the majority of it, but left the rest because I was full. I would have never done that, but I'm more familiar with just "saying no" instead of feeling the need to eat everything in front of me. I also had a raspberry/lime diet tonic (soda as you folks know it) last night with my fat-free popcorn, peanut butter and jelly crackers (that I made), reduced fat-free fig newtons (about 6 or 7 of them). This whole week I've weaned myself off tonic and have been drinking water. I've never been a huge water drinking person and usually have to force myself to drink it.

Anyway, a few minutes ago, I decided to strip down again and hop on the scale to see if it indicated something different and sure enough it did. I only gained 1 lb.

For me, anyway, as much as I despise getting on the scale and seeing any type of weight gain, it gives me that "reality check" of needing to step up and do the right thing. I haven't been journaling in over a month and thought I had a pretty good handle on maintaining my diet plan. Not the case, I need to get back into the swing of things by journaling every single day.

So, I must commit to myself to do that in order to be successful at this. Yeah my pants and some shirts are baggy, but I still need to keep that promise to myself and reach my goal weight. I still have a very long way to go and each day it's a struggle and so much temptation is around me and there are days I'm so gung ho about doing it, and other days I say what the hell a little won't kill me and I know my limit.

I'm being honest in my posts folks and I just want to say to everyone here that I'm thankful for you pouring your hearts out with your struggles, addictions, goals, all of the above. This thread has a lot of meaning to me and I thank each of you for sharing your stories. Sometimes it's not easy and we take the good with the bad with having wonderful days and then really bad ones. Which leads me into a bad ones:

Last night I had a horrible evening with snacking and I also smoked. I really enjoyed the smoking and as I said a week or so ago, I find it very freeing to me for some reason and enjoy doing it. I hate the taste, never enjoyed it, but something about oral fixation that I like. It was 2 days that I went without one and I didn't crave it, but last night I broke that desire.

I guess the good thing is I don't have a pack because it was my neighbor was over and we smoked hers. But, we'll see how it goes as the day progresses if I feel the "urge" to go buy them. Right now I'm not there with the craving. Maybe it will stay like that.

Personally there is no gray area. It's just the type of person I am, it's either all or nothing. I know I'll get over the hump and do good, and I'm taking it day-by-day.

Best,
-S-