[sylvie]

Originally Posted by Miss Scarlett

We are by no means weak, oh no no no! We need to learn to rechannel the tremendous strength and self control/regulation that enable us to maintain those destructive behaviours. It doesn't happen overnight and takes a lot of work but it is possible.

This is something i need to understand more about myself these days, and also that it doesn't happen overnight.. i'm not weak.. it's taking every bit of strength and control i have within me to do this day to day - and this IS possible. because everyday, it's such a struggle and i get frustrated and it gets so overwhelming and i just want to cry ... it feels like completely silly things to cry over, but to me i feel like i'm giving up something thats been such a source of peace to me for so many years.. (i know that's a bad way of thinking about it) but it's so difficult... i really, really commend you (all of you actually) for the strength you's have to be so strong and to share your thoughts and stories with me.. i strive for some ease with myself and strength to look at this more realistically, and really do what's best for me and taking care of me - rather than fall to old habits...

it's funny how i can build myself up for so long, and then downspiral SO quick... i can do this too -

((((dc)))), i would love to read Portia's book as well, think that will be my next book purchase, actually! thanks for suggesting that, i remember seeing it on Ellen one day...
((((Jenn)))) thank you for your book suggestions too! i soo need to action buying them, the more resources the better! and i know your read suggestions rock!
((((Miss Scarlett)))) i am so understanding when you said the hardest thing for you to understand is that this will be with you forever... i struggle with that the most, i know this will be a lifetime commitment...
And reading your words, rang true for me, the thinning hair, the enamel on your teeth, brittle nails.. i have a very hard time eating in public, even today.. i dont like people watching me eat, unless they are people in my comfort zone, like close family, a partner, etc..

what i need to work on - forgiving myself..and moving forward and trying again!