[Gemme]

Originally Posted by jelli

How do you handle friends splitting up? Can you be friends with both? And what about the dating circles, I hear and see of people dating so much within a circle that everyone has eventually slept with everyone in that circle. Do you let "friends" know if they're embarking on a dating adventure with a person you know is XYZ? Is it the same or different online as far as friends splitting up or getting ready to date someone you have prior knowledge about?

Recently we've had some friends/acquaintances that have split up. One couple had been together for about 7 years and the other for about 12(I think).

When I hear about someone with some time under their relationship belt breaking up it feels like a sucker punch. As if it knocks a bit of wind from your sail. Thinking something along the lines of "If so & so can't make it, then surely how are we going to make it?".

We had no idea this was coming. Sure we knew they had some "stuff" just like most of us, but damn.

I think people tend to personalize and mirror things, just like when you are having a face to face conversation with someone and they tilt their head one way, it's highly likely that sometime in the course of the conversation, you will do that very same thing. It's been pretty well documented, though I cannot remember the verbatim name of it. Something something mirroring.

ANYway, my point is that when our friends split, we do automatically do a comparison of them to us. Some of us are better at zipping through that and understanding that what happened to that relationship doesn't have to color our personal relationship and there are those of us who dwell on it a bit more. No one knows exactly what goes on another's home, especially behind closed doors, so it's easy to feel upset or surprised at a couple's split.

As far as friends go, I've experienced a loss of friends due to a break up. Come to find out, my ex had been saying some untrue things about me and they chose her side. I do say that they chose her side because:

1. I wasn't aware of what was being said
2. None of these folks came to me to hear my side or if there was a different side...they accepted one version as the truth, and we all know there are at least 3 sides on a truth coin.

I would try not to do that to anyone I knew because it feels like crap. Not only are you dealing with the loss of the relationship and the details of moving on...new place, bills, etc...but you are also grieving the loss of those friendships.