[*Anya*]

14.”He snapped my bra like a Concord taking off, and I was unhooked for love.”

13.”The heaving waves on the vast, ink-black ocean sent a salty spray over the proud bow of the three-masted ship, leaving beads of water on the exposed alabaster skin above the bodice of the tall, raven-haired woman who stood sobbing on the deck, her salty tears mixing with the storm-tossed sea.”

12.”Scarlet’s hair was as red as my persistent canker sore.”

11.”Nicole let the silk blouse fall from her shoulders, wrapped her left leg around James and deftly cut some cheese.”

10.”Robert was new at this prison thing, and he felt frightened and confused. But the moment he laid eyes on #472825994, he became a prisoner of love.”

9.”Sam liked to hump.”

8.”Though flanked by two swarthy state troopers, Paula found her gaze drawn to the chubby saxophonist.”

7.”It was a dark and horny night…”

6.”Gentle cascades of vermilion poured over Daphne’s heaving, lily-white bosom. ‘Call 911, Scooby,’ she breathed.”

5.”His flatulence reared up like a proud stallion.”

4.”‘Miss Savannah, is there room for both of us in that hoop skirt?’ Chandler mocked with a slight bow and a sweep of his top hat.”

3.”Within minutes of their meeting, Representatives Beth (D-Florida) and Eric (R-Montana) lumbered into the bedroom where soon the unmistakable sounds of wet, naked bodies engaged in sexual congress were heard.”

2.”He smelled of pork. Rotting pork, in fact — and lots of it.”

1.”Omaha Beach, 0800 Hours: reinforcements from 2nd Panzer Korps arrive, their well-muscled young torsos glistening with man-dew.”