Tommi & Peggy! My lil candle isn't fancy or colorful BUT the meaning is a huge as the universe...much love and empathy for you. I walked your path...2 and a half years ago...so I can understand how devastating and heartbreaking this has all got to be...
My wife & I had had 15 wonderful years, working towards that "forever", and never thinking of the "what ifs". The world turns on a dime and life, as we know it, can tumble upside down, inside out, and do a complete 360...and we shall never, ever be the same afterwards! However, what I did take away from the 26 months battle we fought together...is that I do not sweat the small stuff any longer. The other thing is that no matter what plane we each reside on...love is love..everlasting...and that will never change. Memories are etched forever in my heart..and no one can ever take those. Hold yours close inside and when you are down, or lonely, or hurting...let them sustain you...
It took me almost a month for her to sign the final papers...her "5 Wishes"...ordering the cremation urn, and facing the fact we HAD to do those wishes. That was so very difficult, so I understand your space on not wanting to be there when she signs them. Unless one has walked in those moccasins, it is so damn hard to fathom! My wife said when she signed the last one, she felt like she had signed for her lease on life to end...it devastated me..to know she was afraid...and that I couldn't do a thing to stop the outcome...and while I can't know the depth of YOUR pain, I DO KNOW that pain, my friend!!! All I can say is I am here for you, my friend, and I send you hugs and warm white energies...my heart breaks for you...it is so much harder for the one left behind...I know...I walked that path.....so come on, Tommi....walk it not alone....Clay