[Cin]

When someone posts something as charged as what Starbuck did people will naturally be moved. Her nearly gleeful portrayal of her powder keg existence is almost painful to read. We have all experienced betrayal on some level, perhaps even been the one to betray so it is difficult to remain objective. Also considering the stigma that seems to still be associated with bisexuality it was with a distinct lack of forethought that Starbuck chose to post her story in a thread entitled so what does bisexuality mean to you. And I also believe she vastly misjudged the mood of her audience.

When someone wants to respond to a post where they find the behavior of the poster unacceptable there are really only two ways to go, there will be degrees of variance within the responses but still only two ways to go. You either want to make your moral outrage clear or you want to help the person understand where their actions will ultimately lead. Either is perfectly acceptable and not at all attached to the gender of the people involved.

You can be outraged because of what Starbuck is doing to others. You may understand the pain and damage she is and will cause from a place of experience. In which case your response will naturally come from that understanding. You can share your disgust as well as your extreme displeasure at the way she is adding to the stereotype of the cheating greedy bisexual. And it is certainly an understandable position. However, I don’t believe to choose another less judgmental approach means one does not understand the severity of what she is doing. Nor does it have to mean you believe that it is okay to do what she is doing. Or that it is okay to do it because it is men who are being cheated on.

I think people stop listening when they feel judged and attacked. And it is not necessary to care about this. It is perfectly acceptable to judge and to share your moral outrage. Let me put a great degree of emphasis on that. Perfectly acceptable indeed. But I also think it is okay to try to reach the person by keeping the lines of communication open. Perhaps you will be responsible for helping someone achieve that "ahah" moment by remaining compassionate and not beating the person over the head with your moral outrage. Either way is okay. But I don’t think one’s choice has to be based on what is the gender of the person being cuckolded