[bigbutchmistie]

Dearest You :

Sometimes when I am aching badly inside I can close my eyes and just imagine what it would be like to feel your love, and it brings a certain calm to me.

I have lived my life without love in it. And made it by ok. I know I dont want that for myself. I know I love myself. But not having that one person I can count on no matter what, I dont know what that's like. I dont know what its like to feel the safety of someone's arms. To feel her touch, and so much more. I know I am missing out. Just how much I am not sure. I can bet its better than winning the lottery....

When I almost died a few years ago, I laid alone in the hospital bed, and though to myself. Im going to die in this hospital and I will not have ever known true undying, unapologetic love.

It caused me to fight. And I beat that illness. The other day, when I walked into my bosses office and plead my case for my old position back, I got it.

Every aspect of my life I can go get what I want. But you elude me. I think daily what I have done to cause to live with the emptiness and loneliness.

I am a good person. I do for others more than I do for myself. And yet, you are but a fantasy to me.

I just wanna belong. love and be loved. Im not sure where that is so wrong.

I wonder about you. If you are out there feeling the same way I feel. I wonder if you are being loved. Or if you are out there and gave up cause you have been hurt so many times.

I pray one day, fate blesses us both. I pray that we cross paths. Im 35. Im tired of being alone, not feeling love and acceptance.

All I am trying to say baby is that its a cold, lonely and dark world without you.

But I will get up tomorrow, and put my clothes on and go about my day. But you will not be far from my thoughts.

I love you even before I have met you. I hope one day you read these and realize how much I wanted you long before your arrival.

Signed,

Just A Boi