[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by CatalinaRose

I love this, Apocalipstic! Well, everything but holding on to big grudges. I tend to be the opposite and forget why I was ever upset with the person in the first place. It takes quite a bit to push me completely away and to date that has really only happened once. Very recently, as a matter of fact. And this person had been in my life for nearly 13 years on a very close and intimate level. I had tried to sort through my feelings toward her for years and could never put my finger on exactly why I felt so much animosity and distrust with both her and our friendship. I remember a conversation I had prior to making the difficult decision to end our relationship premanently, where I made scare quotes when saying the word friendship, and the person I was talking to had to stop me and point out what had just happened. I had just acted out my feelings in a very poinent manner and the truth was quite telling.

I have also been toxic to people at different times in my own life. And like Apocolipstic said, those have been times when I know I need my own space and time to sort through whatever is going on for me so I don't continue in a destructive manner. It's SO hard to recognize unhealthy behavior and for so many years I distanced myself from friendships all together because of how exhausting they could be.

As for forgiveness, I believe that I have a great capacity to forgive people who have hurt me. I don't want to go to my grave with any anger or resentment in my heart. The bottom line for me is that we are all so incredibly different and I know that my openness and loving nature leaves me a bit more vulnerable to emotional predators, but I get better and stronger every day and am learning not to take on everyone else's shit as my own personal cross to bare. And it feels good.

I amn working on the resentment and grudges thing! I don't want that negativity in my life any more. Definitely work in progress!