Pain and Silence
A clipped response, a curt reply, a sarcastic remark, a demeaning retort
Hurt and sorrow follows the reception of these verbal cuts.
The most torturous and brutal attacks of all is that of silence,
not only silence of words, but also the absence of any empathy for our suffering and vulnerability.
We recoil with fear and agony in the same way as if a fist brutalizes the skin.
The bruise of an attack of silence is not seen by an observer or even the one who delivers the blow, but we know it's there.
We flinch with the soreness of the internal bruise, black with fear, purple with shame.
We cry out in torment from this attack even more when it comes from someone we love.
Those who say they love us without sharing their most private inner thoughts and feelings about our relationship are the tormentors,
they are unable to share more than the physical.
The act of total commitment is not only the touch of our bodies,
but also the blending of our thoughts, fear, and wishes,
we are the most vulnerable when our lover knows what we think, fear,
and use it to their advantage.
An inner most dread is the one of abandonment, the loss of something we not have had in the first place, but we may not know that yet.
This is the point when we can be torn and battered the most.
Nothing is more sensual or fulfilling than the honest exchange of thought,
to strip away the facade of attitude and self recrimination is a pure act of love.
Without the honesty we can have only the physical, the empty act of sex.
What can be more scarring than the deafening act of silence?
Silence and the giving of the body without the touching of the mind.
Julien F. 11/7/11