[Arwen]

Cara, I agree. I think she is using the word grudge as a sort of shield.

I think it's good to break the word "grudge" down. I have a really negative connotation as well.

Verb: Be resentfully unwilling to give, grant, or allow (something).
Noun: A persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury.

So for me, I don't want to use it in this case as the noun because that makes me feel like I'm giving up my energy for people who are no longer allowed in my hula hoop area.

But as a verb? I'm very much loving that for this use. I am extremely unwilling, resentfully so in fact, of giving granting or allowing a person I deem as toxic to have any place in my life.

So I can see where hold a shield/grudge in this case would be a healthy thing.

I also know that it can be an overkill to hold a grudge to the extent that you have to do whatever you can to take that person down. I used to cross the line with great regularity. I was mean and evil when it came down to it. I would go out of my way to point a finger and stick a foot out to trip someone up.

I can't do that any more because of the energy. I truly believe it ties me to that person in a distinctly unhealthy way. So, like others here, I would rather bless them and release them.

What I will do now is answer as honestly as I can if anyone asks me a direct question about someone I am no longer friends with. I'd rather not engage in gossip and character assassination. It isn't healthy for me. It isn't putting myself first.