[*Anya*]

Struggling with mental and physical challenges.

Tape is constantly running through my head, thinner, thinner, you need to be thinner.

I have been dealing with health challenges-which will remain nameless- but it has made it very difficult for me to drop down to where I was as recently as August.

I have not been eating anything I "shouldn't" but am just maintaining. I will have surgery in January, about to be scheduled. I should not even post this in a healthy weight loss thread but it is a part of my weight crazy thoughts-I always lose quite a bit of weight following surgery and am hoping it will remind my body it does not have to hold onto weight like I am a starving person.

I really, really hate that I have always felt fat, even when I was really thin. What is the point of being thin, if you still think you are fat anyway?

Much work to still be done inside my brain. Eating heathfully is much easier for me than changing the tape in my head.