[theoddz]

Well, speaking from the point of my trans experience, I want to urge everyone here to be very cautious and thoughtful about doling out judgment on Chaz and any other person with whom you may have strong feelings, yet cannot completely personally relate to that person's circumstance. I've had to check myself on this very thing, because I've also seen articles about how Jen has fought a problem with alcohol and Chaz has fought much the same with an addiction to opiate pain relievers. One article I read stated that it was Jen who was actively drinking and Chaz who gave her the ultimatum of sobering up or losing the relationship. All of these tabloid stories are suspect, as far as I'm concerned, but it's easy to take our own prejudices and biases and hang the "Piece of Shit" label on on or the other of them, when that probably isn't even the case. The relationship probably ended because of a plethora and combination of real reasons and issues.

Statistics have proven that most relationships that involve a partner who transitions does not survive. For whatever reason that may be, any of us is in hardly a position to judge what those reasons are.....and in this case, especially about Chaz. Whatever he may or may not be, personally (I don't follow everything he does or his personal situation/relationship with Jen), their split is probably the result of many issues or problems. He is and has always been....a celebrity, and that very fact alone has probably had a very difficult impact on the way he has had to live his life and conduct his personal relationships. I'm not a bit surprised that his relationship with Jen didn't survive, although I was, personally, wishing the best for the both of them.

One little seed for thought that I'd like to throw in here, however, is the one that concerns transmen and our relationships. Transition is a very difficult time, internally, for us. During my own transition, I had to make the conscious decision about what kind of man I needed to be. I've been so lucky that my own personal male role models have been good ones. I don't think I've (consciously, anyway) carried over any real sexist, misogynistic (read, "knuckle-dragging neanderthal) viewpoints, as I've had many very strong, positive female figures (thanks, Mother, Grandma and ML, my big sister)!! The more people I've met in this life, and the more I get to know myself....as a person first, then as the man I am....the luckier I see myself. I also have realized that others may or may not have been so lucky. Point is, all this takes time. I started T, and my own transition, nearly 5 years ago, and I'm still not done being totally comfortable in all ways with myself. Chaz has had to do the same thing, plus, he's been in the public eye, had tabloid rumors/gossip and stories constantly swirling around him, and has had this intensely personal journey to navigate.....in addition to trying to keep what most of us try to keep behind closed doors from public consumption. This can be some seriously painful shit, people, and it requires being worked through. My guess is that Chaz is still trying to figure out what kind of man he is and who he needs to be. He may or may not be, in all truth, a raging sexist, misogynistic pig. He may or may not be a lot of things, in reality. All of it takes time and most of us transfolk take years to figure it all out.

Something else to wrap your minds around is one other thing.....Sometimes, as a transman, you have to decide whether you're going to act out in anger against women, in general, or realize that it might really be that your anger is actually everything to do with having to have lived and been treated as a woman.

I found that a very large part of the work associated with the transition journey is deciding how much of what you were to pack in the baggage you carry in the journey to become who you are.

That's all I have.

~Theo~