[justanolecowboy]

Being relatively new to this site - I wasn't sure what "forum" to post my thoughts to...but being singe...I thought this might do...(if anyone who reads thinks it would fit better in another place - please advise...I won't be offended)...

After reading several posts and threads and feeling a bit of need to connect myself - I thought I would put some words down... thanks!

As I sit here tonight…I read many posts on here…some content and happy with who they are…and in their relationships…some, so obviously lonely and searching for that “something” … I find myself rather “in between” … I know that a “relationship” doesn’t define me or make me happy … it can only “enhance” my happiness … but, still… I believe in love…I believe in the possibility… so …on this fading winter evening as I sit by the fire with a glass of cognac in one hand, and an old worn and tattered copy of Thoreau's Walden in the other. . .soft music plays in the background.

I take off my glasses and rub my eyes and think. . .

Why have I just spent the Christmas holiday alone...

I have turned off the TV and music and listen to the crackle of fire and the rhythm of my sleeping dog, completely relaxed on his warm, soft bedding beside me.

I sink a little deeper into my old leather desk chair and take pen in hand and actually "pen this post", before I type it out.

There is still even in this digital age, something about actually "writing" out a note, that might somehow find its way to someone's heart. Romantic. Ah, yes, that I am.

I listened to the song earlier: My Grown up Christmas List. (as it is still officially the holiday season I suppose and Christmas music still plays on the radio). I like that song, I like music. . .all kinds, but admittedly, yes, mostly country.

So, I thought about what my "Christmas List" might be, and so, here goes:

A woman who is genuine and sincere, that appreciates the serious side of life and yet, not so serious, that they can't and/or won't just bust out with laughter, when something is funny-a woman who can find humor and smile, even through the seriousness.

A woman who can appreciate me for exactly "who" I am, and not want to change me, at least not basically. Encourage me to eat more green beans, but knows that I am a meat and potato sort of person, and at my age, that isn't going to change much.

A woman who wants me to "want" her, not just in the beginning when love is all new and fresh, but after 6 weeks or 6 months, 6 years, or however many years we might have together.

A woman who knows and appreciates that I am sometimes quiet and shy, but will speak my opinion when needed and or asked, but never in a negative way. Certainly differing opinions will arise, but that doesn't mean it always has to be one or the other.

A woman who is nice and kind, with just a touch of "naughty" in all the right ways.

A woman who still blushes at the touch of my hand on hers, or when it curls around hers while we sit in the back at the movies.

A woman who can appreciate and know that my dogs are my family, not just pets I keep out in the backyard in a cage.

A woman who appreciates the unique work that I do, that it is often very long hours, and stressful, (sometimes dangerous), but that I am always mindful of not letting in get in the way of paying attention to her.

A woman who appreciates that I am a romantic, that I enjoy holding open the door, a gentle peck on the cheek, washing her car, carrying in the groceries. It is not to take away "independence", but hopefully understands and likes that I am just a little bit old school.

A woman who likes to put on a little black dress and go rock the night away, but is just as comfortable in her faded blue jeans and my old t-shirt, curled up on the couch, watching. . ."whatever".

A woman who takes care of herself and appreciates that I love that she takes her time and will always wait patiently for her.

A woman who appreciates that I love to surprise her for no particular reason, and won't scold me for being "frivolous" when I send flowers...I am very responsible, but love to spoil the woman I love when and if that is possible.

A woman who appreciates that I love to make it about her, but understands, that every once in awhile, it would be great if it was about "me", just every once in awhile.

A woman who knows that I care about and will always be concerned about her, and understand that "concern" doesn't mean I want to keep track of her every move, just that when you love. . .you are concerned.

A woman who loves nature, and art and books and philosophy and animals and old people, and children and butterflies and. . .and. . .and. . .

A woman who wants to be cared for deeply and passionately and showed how much I care. . ..

A woman who wants me to want her, in every way. . .and appreciates the fact that she always takes my breath away. . .

A woman who understands that life can be difficult, relationships can be difficult, but that communication is essential…that my heart has been a bit broken and battered, but that just makes me ever more mindful that hearts are fragile and great care should be taken….

A woman who wants to be loved from the inside- out and grow into a relationship…

A woman who understands that I am a butch and actually loves and appreciates that about me and wants that. . .

A woman who loves that she can make me blush.

I'm sure that if I thought longer, my list would go on … but I've perhaps taken up enough of your time, and given you at least some insight as to my thoughts on this wintery evening...


I want to sit on the couch next to a woman and have her say to me - as the new country song says. . .what would you be doing if you hadn't met me..

If you want to know more…well, that’s easy enough…just hit respond…I’m just right here…

I realize this is not a “dating” site (per se) – those get old and are full of people who seem to be only looking for the quick thrill (or so has been my experience)… and seem so ingenious…this is rather more a sharing of as they used to do in the days of old - of tying a piece of twine around a note and throwing out among the tumble weeds – hoping someone would read…

So, as my evening has turned to morning…I tie up my note and throw it out into the “tumbleweeds” of this wonderful forum - maybe some wonderful femme will read them...or indeed a fellow butch - who would like to write or respond as well - because they like to connect with like minded travelers (so to speak).

Have a beautiful day friends…