Quote:
Originally Posted by Greyson
Ender, you are an insightful one, IMO. I concur on not wanting to have been born a cismale and happy with my Transmasculine Butch/Transman/Queer status. That is why I have posted at times that "I am not a mistake." I am exactly who I was born to be.
It is so true about marginalized peoples. So many people who not fit the "normal" cookie cutter image for various reasons are dismissed, pressured to be normal and if you don't relent there are consequences.
The other side of that is that I do think I have a choice as to how I will respond to all of this societal pressure. I do admit many times it feels as if I don't have choice and never will. IMO, that is an untruth.
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I agree, Greyson, we definitely aren't "mistakes." In the irl trans community and on online trans communities I sometimes hear people talking about what "causes" someone to be born trans. Talking about how it's "not their fault" that they were born trans. It really saddens me. I think many suicides within our community are caused by this perception of ourselves.
With the "it gets better campaign" than many public figures support to end bullying for queer/lesbian/gay/bisexual youth, the message is typically not that there is something "wrong" with lgbq youth, but that society is such a way now, but that things will get better (which I think we should actually be focusing on making it better instead of making empty promises, but that is another story). Even though those campaigns are supposed to be for lgbtq youth, I often feel like the "compassion" the media advocates for transpeople (on the rare occasion that it does), is one that implies that it is not our "fault" and that we deserve pity because are born with a "disorder."
Even here in Canada, as a part of their election campaign, Ontario's Conservative Party put out transphobic flyers stating that the Liberal government of Ontario was trying to "teach children to be crossdressers" (btw, what the ad says about schools "not informing parents" is incorrect).
This ad was also run on SunTV until there was an uproar and it was removed as transphobic:
Do trans youth or gender non-conforming youth have a choice to ignore attacks like the above on who they are by a provincial and federal party? By an
approved party? Yes, they do, but I would argue that many don't actually feel like they have that choice. And how do we get the info to that youth if that party won't even let teachers teach children about trans issues or queer issues? How would that youth even be able to find the info of where to find support, if their parents and school don't support them? If I'm a trans person in my teens who is struggling at school or at home with being who I am, and I see an ad like the above come on TV? An ad that is endorsed by a major political party? How do you help that kid? Does my voice matter as much, or carry as much weight as a major political party that basically tells that kid that they are a "pervert" or such bullshit? Who is that kid going to believe?
I agree that when it looks like the world is against you, or you've run into someone who treats you like you're no more than garbage on the sidewalk, we can perceive ourselves as not having a choice even though we do. I think the challenge is to show our community that not only is there a choice, but that they have a supportive community who won't reiterate what cis-normative society tells them about their so-called "disorder."
That's why I get angry when I see people like Chaz who continue to support that image of us having a "disorder" within the mainstream media. It was sad that a trans youth like Stephen Ira was basically made a mockery of and condescended to by adults and the media because of his age, when he posted his blog saying that he disagreed completely with what Chaz was saying that trans people have a "birth defect." Now if you want a transguy with white male upper class privilege, there you have one in Chaz Bono. Yet who's mentality is going to give trans youth some hope? Someone who convinces them that they were born "defective," or someone who tells them that there isn't anything wrong with them?
So yeah. I definitely agree that there is always a choice. But I think its about reaching out to high risk trans people who need the support, and showing them that they have a community. I've personally known one transperson who committed suicide, and I certainly hope she's the last. In addition to being a trans woman of colour she was also a sex worker. She had people supporting her, but once she stepped outside of that support network she had to go every day into a world that told her she was garbage, that not even provincial law would stand up for her against those who harmed her. At some point, I think society and the government itself needs to start being accountable. We need the power to hold them accountable.
I dunno. It's tough. On the one hand you want to tell people that despite the odds, they have the choice and that they need to be strong. But all it takes is one day where you just lose hope entirely. I just wish there were less transfolks who lost hope to that degree. And I know definitely what it's like to feel so horrible about your life that you really can't see clearly through to the possibility of anything ever getting better. Like what's the point? I think many of us in the lgbtq community have been there, for sure. And thankfully a lot of us have lived through it. The sad thing is that I can't even remember what even made me decide to keep going when I felt that way, so that I might pass that on to those who feel like they have no hope. I know that ever since I accepted myself fully as a guy and eventually as a transguy I look forward to the future, and that even when things get shitty for the first time in my life I really don't want to die anymore. I owe so much to finding a supportive community where I live. And that is all it took for me was to find that support network I could come home to, where people "get it" and where we don't judge each other, where we stand up for each other. But not everyone has that, and I wish to hell they did. Especially a lot of trans sex workers or trans people who are homeless and in the shelter system don't have that.
Ideally I agree and think we need to step away from perceiving ourselves as having only two choices, or focusing on whether we have a "choice" or not, and instead just step away from the theoretical into figuring out how to change things or help those around us, and then maybe by extension things will change.