[amiyesiam]

THis is interesting. Because how people treat you and react to you has a lot to do with how You yourself act and behave and what your own boundaries are.

I rarely have problems with people, even people who seem to cause others problems.

I would never give my opinion about another human being that I did not actually know in real life and then only in certain circumstances.

There are always at least 2 sides to stories/situations. And behaviors can be triggered by both sides, sometimes it is just 2 people together and alone they are much better people.

ways to handle such questions:
1. I don't know that person well enough to feel comfortable answering that question.
2. Please understand that I am close to the person you are asking about and you understand I don't feel comfortable discussing them without their knowing. You know I would do the same for you.

3. If you really don't know anything bad about that person: I only know that person at (work/school/on line/church) and I have not had any negative experiences with them.

4. If you think the person being asked about might actually want you to provide some info (such as 2 friends liking each other) Well, if you really want me to answer you honestly, I will ask (so and so) if they would mind me providing some info. (then actually ask if it is ok to share)

5. If you actually know the good/bad/ugly about someone first hand and know the person asking has no real reason to be asking. Ask them why do you want to know and I find that asking a person directly is always best. You understand that I would do the same for you also. (this has the amazing effect of shutting people up fast)

6. You have heard stories but have no first hand info or you know what happened and know that person does not want others to know (things like write ups at work, miscarriages, marital issues etc) Honestly I will bold face lie (I hate nosy people) so I say things like: I don't know. They have not discussed that with me. I had not heard anything about that.

7. and sometimes you just have to tell people: Would you want people talking about you? and I don't think it is fair to discuss so and so when they are not here to defend themselves.


Now there are consequences to implementing any/all of the above. People will stop asking you about things that are none of their business and people will stop telling you everyone else's business and you will find that there is very little drama in your life, and you will actually be clueless about what is going on around you in other peoples lives unless they themselves tell you directly. You will find that some people come to you to vent cause they know you understand that it is venting and know you won't repeat it. Also your telephone time will drop dramatically and you will have more time to do the actual things you enjoy in life.

And lastly: To people who ask others for their opinions about others, please realize that you may be putting the person you are asking in a very uncomfortable position, especially if the person you are asking is close to you and the person you are asking about or if you know the person you are asking does know confidential information and you ask anyway or if the person you are asking has heard stuff but wasn't actually involved.
Honestly, you are being ballsy and rude and not nice to do this to others. At least have the curtesy to tell the person you are asking that it is ok if they don't feel comfortable answering.