[Miss Scarlett]

Originally Posted by Leigh

Hi everyone,

I came in today because I'm struggling right now, with everything, and I believe that the best thing to do is to reach out for friends because right now the God and Goddess know that I could use more. Two weeks ago I lost two of my supposed best friends; one I had known for 12 or 13 years (since high school) and her boyfriend I only met last year even though she has known him for about 5 years now. She was like a sister to me and yet she chose her relationship with him over our friendship ~ he calls her down, orders her around, tells her what to do and when to do it and treats everyone around him (including me in the past) like dirt. I truly thought that I had two friends who would never let me down, and yet they both turned their backs on me and have gone on with their lives like nothing ever happened.

They started going to the gym with me and now I've gone twice alone; I get scared to walk into the gym in case they are both there and its just not as fun as it used to be. They were my support system, cheering me on right there with me and told me how great I was doing. I know I'm doing good but at least I had people there who I thought cared about me, and now going alone is just proving to be too hard on me. I don't want to quit at all but its really hard going there without the memory of them being right there haunting me; its scary and I admit that. I don't know exactly how to deal with it, and I'm noticing that I'm turning yet again to food to try and cope with everything that has happened.

I've been eating more again the last 2-3 days and when I weighed myself in Monday I noticed that I had gained a pound. I guess my biggest question is how do I deal with this in a way that won't have me sabotaging what progress that I have made already? How do I deal with emotional everyday stresses that are causing me to, yet again, eat more? For now I am going to do my best to deal with all of this as best I can on my own and with help from my family, but I know that I can always turn to my extended family here for help

(((((Leigh))))) i've been there. Emotional eating is troublesome, no doubt. i wish i could share some sort of magic way to make it disappear but there isn't one that i know of. i'm an emotional eater too and i suspect we are not alone here.

For me it's also a two-edged sword. Having a history of bulimarexia, i can go in either direction - eating or not eating.

This is something i have to deal with on an episode by episode basis based upon the reason why i'm feeling this way. One of my major triggers is feeling invisible or insignificant.

Let me explain...my boss is a very quiet woman. She doesn't talk much anyway and there are days we barely speak beyond the odd question or hello and good bye. That's not the problem...when i've done a particularly good job with something there is no feedback beyond her handing me the document back with no edits/corrections/revisions needed. i have to remind myself that that is her way of saying it's a good job but it would be nice to have and occasional sticky note saying "Good job."

Or when with my friends there are times when everyone is talking and having a good time but when i try to participate in the conversation there is no acknowledgment of my comments; or when i walk up to join the group nobody says hello. The latest, and most crushing, is my recent loss of over 16 lbs in the last 2 weeks. It's noticable yet nobody has said a word unless i ask. And if do i ask whether or not they notice something different they look at me and i can see they are struggling to figure it out yet still fail to see it.

And i'm not just talking about the friends i see daily...that's easier to understand. Yesterday i saw a friend who had not seen me since before my weight loss - she failed to notice. When i told her what was different i got a blank, confused look. It's very disheartening, especially when you are feeling so good about it and know you look better too. i was crushed. my reaction last night was to not eat dinner which may sound better than overeating but really is worse for me because once i start down that path it's a struggle to jump the track. Like right now i should be eating my breakfast but am just not interested. Oh i will have my yogurt and fruit but it will be forced and hurried.

What i'm trying to say is that i am trying to improve my health, not theirs. This is for me and i am determined to continue whether anyone notices or not. Because i am worth it and Hon, you are too.

Go to the gym by yourself...it won't be easy, i understand that. But you are doing this for you and, again, you are worth it. If you absolutely must eat for comfort try to choose healthier foods and don't kick yourself. And if you don't and go for junk food, etc. the world will not come to an end. You can always start over. To quote my namesake "After all, tomorrow IS another day." Don't give up...