[chai~]

Here in Canada, we are free to marry if we choose.

I have never wanted that for myself.

I wasn't one of those girls who made sure my barbies married, never sketched dresses or cut pictures out of magazines for the "big day."

My one and only long term relationship was as married as I cared to be.
Her friends would ask me, "When are you going to change your last name?"
She was butch and I am femme, and all I could think was, "wow, what an assumption! I"M the one expected to change, I'M the one expected to give myself up!!!!"

I was expected to be absorbed by the relationship.

Makes me cringe just to think about it.

This past year I thought I had a change of heart.
Over the summer, in the span of 6 weeks, there were 3 weddings to go to. I thought, "Yeah...maybe I should get married someday."
I seemed to have wedding fever.
The more I thought about it though, I figured out it was only the party I wanted, I wanted to be queen for the day, have all my friends and family in one place to celebrate me and my partner.
I wanted the hoopla and festivities, a romantic beach wedding, barefoot and.....

Then the fever soon passed !

In a way, I guess I'm old fashioned, and I would want to be the perfect do everything super wife and mother.

And I'm afraid that I would eventually allow myself to be absorbed.

I do not believe that 2 people come together to make a whole, or that my partner would be my better/other half.

I do believe that people come together and "accessorize" each other.

Side by side, not one in front of or above the other.

I just want to be happy and balanced, with or without a partner.

Being able to choose as opposed to being told "I am not allowed," is a powerful thing, and I do wish everyone had the choice. Obviously I forgot to mention any accidents that require hospital stays. Being powerless as a person watches their partner slowly wither away and die is devastating.