[aishah]

welcome to the planet!

for me, as a partner of a transman, i have a hard time understanding the pronoun issue. my partner said he preferred masculine pronouns. end of story. i slipped up a few times on accident when we first started dating but...part of being committed to someone is making a concerted effort to use their pronouns. if it were me i would feel really disrespected and unsafe, so i try not to make my partner feel that way.

i've found it super helpful to reach out to my trans* & genderqueer friends, read books, read blogs and zines, etc.

i think if this person's partner is confused about their identity that is probably not helping and might exacerbate the situation, but still - listening and talking honestly, listening to what the person wants and doesn't want (i.e. in terms of touch, pronouns, etc.) and respecting that is hugely important. everyone doesn't have to have their id figured out to be able to communicate and respect those wishes and boundaries.

i love what princess belle says about how a partner's id is a separate issue and it doesn't change (or have to change) how we id.