Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - A straight girl enters the queer world...

Gemme · 03-12-2012, 09:29 PM

My gut reaction, from the little bit that has been discussed here, is to take a biiiig step back.

Drawing from my personal experience, it sounds as if your friend...who very well may be the sweetest woman on Earth...is an energy vampire. If she's boohooing on your shoulders at all hours and 'woe is me'ing without taking some personal responsibility for her own relationship, then I feel badly for all parties involved.

It's not going to end well.

Both of them need to educate themselves and to take the time and make the effort to educate one another about what they've learned, not only about the dynamics of their relationship but of their own personal goals/thoughts/dreams/wishes/etc for themselves as individuals and as partners in a working relationship.

The thing with the pronouns. Oh, my. That rubs my nerves RAW. When folks would call Ebon her or she, I swear, I wore my teeth down even further than my nightly grinding does. It's not only blatantly disrepectful and ignorant but it's confusing to those who are watching her to see how to approach him in their relationship.

And if he doesn't know where he's coming from or at least in what direction he wants to go, then he's dragging her along blindly and it may be in a direction that is not good for either of them.

Love schmove. She's getting her toes curled and is feeling the newlywed buzz from it. If she truly loved him, she'd make the effort to address him as he prefers and to support him. If he was truly in love with her, then he'd make clear boundaries and enforce them with her and others.

This is their relationship and their lives. They need to start living them on their own. I'd steer them both in the direction of good, solid research material and maybe shoot them a couple emails with therapists (Trans, couples, etc) and then take a biiig step back and lay my own boundaries down with them. I like you and I hope this works out, but I will not let you drain me. Live your own life and make your own decisions and, for the love of Pete (not Chancie's Pete), grow the Hell up. Both of them.

Arwen said that the Mercury Retrograde would make it more difficult to maintain my filters.

She might be right.

03-12-2012, 09:29 PM	#48
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,600 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,278 Thanked 108,801 Times in 25,671 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	out of left field and running on less than fumes, this is what I come up with... My gut reaction, from the little bit that has been discussed here, is to take a biiiig step back. Drawing from my personal experience, it sounds as if your friend...who very well may be the sweetest woman on Earth...is an energy vampire. If she's boohooing on your shoulders at all hours and 'woe is me'ing without taking some personal responsibility for her own relationship, then I feel badly for all parties involved. It's not going to end well. Both of them need to educate themselves and to take the time and make the effort to educate one another about what they've learned, not only about the dynamics of their relationship but of their own personal goals/thoughts/dreams/wishes/etc for themselves as individuals and as partners in a working relationship. The thing with the pronouns. Oh, my. That rubs my nerves RAW. When folks would call Ebon her or she, I swear, I wore my teeth down even further than my nightly grinding does. It's not only blatantly disrepectful and ignorant but it's confusing to those who are watching her to see how to approach him in their relationship. And if he doesn't know where he's coming from or at least in what direction he wants to go, then he's dragging her along blindly and it may be in a direction that is not good for either of them. Love schmove. She's getting her toes curled and is feeling the newlywed buzz from it. If she truly loved him, she'd make the effort to address him as he prefers and to support him. If he was truly in love with her, then he'd make clear boundaries and enforce them with her and others. This is their relationship and their lives. They need to start living them on their own. I'd steer them both in the direction of good, solid research material and maybe shoot them a couple emails with therapists (Trans, couples, etc) and then take a biiig step back and lay my own boundaries down with them. I like you and I hope this works out, but I will not let you drain me. Live your own life and make your own decisions and, for the love of Pete (not Chancie's Pete), grow the Hell up. Both of them. Arwen said that the Mercury Retrograde would make it more difficult to maintain my filters. She might be right. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.