If i were a straight girl involved with a transman, i might not want to do much research. But i would expect to want to know everything that is important about the individual man i was with. i don't think one needs to get a degree in gender studies to date a transperson. But if she is so anxious that she is needing to talk about it all the time, then some research would probably help.
i have in the past been stunned at the extent that some woman who ID as SOFFA have taken that identity. If someone told me that i had to adopt that ID in order to date a transman, i would be outta there fast.
That one's ID is as a significant OTHER, that that is cultivated and studied and developed as an identity beyond a description of one's life or sexual orientation has always been something i KNEW i could never do.
(This may no longer be the case, but back in the day, there were professional SOFFA's out there. They knew more about transitioning than they guys did, were activists, wrote newsletters, got gender studies degrees, etc.) All fine. Their choice, but they stood up in groups as the model or ideal of SOFFA'ness. i have attended meetings and events with such examplars, and at that time, i was sometimes dating transmen. It was just so not me -- that version of SOFFA. i could not even grasp it. And i really wondered what young women new to these groups were thinking they had to do and be in order to stay with their partner.
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