Quote:
Originally Posted by WomenMoveMe
He brought the knife close to my face. I looked into his eyes. If he were going to kill me, he was going to remember me. I remember thinking how important that was for me for some reason. I wanted to try to make him know me before he ended me. I became obsessed with this thought and it almost made me laugh aloud.
|
WMW, I'm so saddened by your story. I have chosen this particular part to quote because it resonates within me, for some time I wondered if anyone could understand it.
I recall being knocked to the ground and catching myself by my hands. One of the two had grabbed me from behind unexpectedly and threw me down. I remember getting upset because I landed on the side of the street which was covered in gravel. Resulting in small rocks cutting the palms of my hands and cutting through my jeans. I quickly got back on my feet and turned around to face my assaulter and attempt to figure out what the hell was going on.
I remember seeing two of them as I turned, I couldn't see their faces because it was late at night and the street chase had led us to a dead end. I was more worried about the friend getting dragged out of the car and laying on the ground with three females pounding on her. Yet before I could even register the situation one of their fists landed right in my face. It lit a fire inside me; rage fueled by anger, frustration and hurt. The adrenaline pulsed through me and I began to throw punches. I recall the onslaught of fists hitting my face but at that moment I could not register the pain. All I heard were the taunts.
"Want to be a man? We'll show you."
"Fight like a man if you want to be one."
"You fucking dyke."
It was repetitive, then again, I cant imagine people like that having much more to say. But I do remember the feeling of humiliation, how dare these strangers do this? Not knowing me, let alone having any reason to do this. I threw harder punches and did everything in my power to stand strong. I would not allow them to put me down, I couldn't - I just couldn't. We boxed, punch after punch. One swung, the next swung and I would come back and swing.
I'm not sure how long that went on for but by the time they all ran back to their vehicle I remember going back to ours. The friend who had gotten dragged out managed toclimb back into the passenger seat. I jumped into the backseat, locked my door only to turn around and find my friend's little.brother beside me crying. His lip had been cut open and blood was spilling out of his mouth. Apparently another male had opened the backdoor and punched him in the mouth so hard that his braces cut right through his lip.
I remember blocking out his sobs and the commotion in the car to simply tell the driver to get us out of there, now. As she pulled out of the dead end, my adrenaline slipped out of my system and the pain hit me like a wall. But the physical pain was secondary. The absolute worse damage had been done to my pride, my self-esteem and my Psyche.
I remained silent the rest of the trip, not saying a word. I snuck into my house as quiet as possible. Went into the bathroom and washed my face carefully. I laid on my bed and tried to fight the tears yet failed. Staring up at the ceiling I cried silently until I fell into a deep sleep.
The next day I had to face the day. I walked out of my room yo face my parents, who took one look at me and were left speechless. The look of horror and concern is forever burned into my mind. I walked into the restroom to face myself in the mirror. The entire right side of my face was simply one huge bruise, along with half my mouth swollen to three times its size. I could not open my right eye at all because it was swollen shut, completely. The left eyebrow was now scabbed over. I felt so much anger, and shame, overcome me. Like a tidal wave washing over me, as I struggled to find air. I contacted my job and took a week leave. I couldn't face the world.
That has been the worst, physical harassment I have encountered. The stares, the whispers and random insults are part of my everyday encounters.
Do I face harassment? Everyday of my life.
But not once will I allow it to silence me again of bring me shame.